DEATH OF MINETA: A chatfic
by seashantysisters
Summary: Following the tragic (not really) death of Mineta, the surviving members of 1-A create a group chat. Can be found on AOOO under same title.
1. grief

**1:30 PM**

**Iida Tenya **has added **Aoyama Yuga **and **18 **others to the group.

**Iida:** Dear Classmates, I have been issued by Aizawa-Sensei and All Might to create this group message to share the news of Mineta's passing. Unfortunately, Recovery Girl was unable to revive him and he succumbed to his injuries from the battle at USJ. The funeral will be this Friday, and we are all expected to be there. If anyone needs someone to talk to, the school has provided counselors with special grief training. I do regret being the one who has to inform all of you of this, but it is my duty as a class rep. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Bakugo Katsuki **has left the group.

**Iida: **Dear Classmates minus Bakugo, While I know this is quite an unfortunate circumstance, I do believe that dealing with grief on your own is not a behavior I would like to endorse. We will be stronger together. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Midoriya**: Tenya, you don't have to sign your messages like that, we all know it's you.

**Kaminari: **^^

**Iida: ** Dear Midoriya and Kaminari, Thank you for your suggestion. I will consider it. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Sero:** Is everyone in this chat?

**Jiro: **Well, not Mineta

**Jiro: **Or Bakugo I guess

**Kirishima: **Bakugo's not in this?

**Kirishima Eijiro **has left the group.

**Jiro: **Or Kirishima

**Uraraka Ochako** has added **Bakugo Katsuki**, and **Kirishima Eijiro **to the group

**Uraraka: **guys Iidachan took the time to make this chat the least you can do is read the messages and ignore them.

**Kaminari: **Rest In Peace, purple pervert, you may have sucked sometimes but you were a bro through and through you will be missed

**Asui: **By who?

**Ashido: **Damn just watched another classmate get killed

**Ashido: **also isn't it whom?

**Bakugo:** whom gives a fuck

**Iida: ** Dear Bakugo, that is actually the incorrect usage of the word whom, and I do not condone cursing in this chat. However, I welcome you back to the chat. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Midoriya: **Tenya, really, u can type normally

**Iida: **Dear Midoriya, I once again honor your advice. I have considered it, but I must politely decline. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Tokoyami: **So is anyone going to go to therapy? I have a bet going with Dark Shadow

**Kaminari: **HOLY SHIT is Dark Shadow in this gc?

**Tokoyami: **He doesn't have a phone - it was taken away

**Sero: **what he do?

**Kaminari: **WAIT I wanna guess

**Kaminari: **was it murder?

**Bakugo: **get your shitty quirk in order, idiot

**Tokoyami: **Well actually he was online shopping too much, with my credit card, he's been cut off. If anyone wants to buy a bird-sized water bed hmu

**Yaoyorozu: **Message me.

**Tokoyami: **It's yours

**Midoriya:** so,, not that I liked the guy but when's the funeral?

**Iida: **Dear Midoriya, if you read my primary message, you would see that the funeral is this Friday. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Ashido:** The Sass? The Shade?

**Sero:** you guys want some memes or is this chat just press f for obituaries?

**Bakugo Katsuki **has left the group

**Kirishima Eijiro **has left the group

**Uraraka: **Sero! I just added him!

**Sero: **listen,,, i love bakubro, truly,, i do, but it's memes uraraka,, I'm a simple man I have needs

**Kaminari:** relatable

**Iida: **Dear Sero, this group chat does not have to be solely for obituaries, in fact, I was instructed to make a group with all of us by Aizawa-Sensei. However, it does seem that Bakugo is against these "memes" so I would kindly ask you to refrain from using them. Sincerely, Iida Tenya

**Todoroki: **I realized I have yet to say anything and that's simply unacceptable.

**Midoriya: **Todoroki! I'm so glad you're here!

**Aoyama:** I'm glad I'M here!

**Hagakure: **I'm glad I'm here too!

**Kaminari: **Oh, Hagakure, I didn't SEE you in this chat

**Hagakure:** I will kill you where you stand Kaminari, I will wave your decapitated head above your weeping mother

**Kaminari: **….

**Sero: **dayummm

**Ojiro: **Is it wrong to feel pride rn?

**Ashido: **If it's wrong I don't wanna be right

**Iida: **Dear Hagakure, please refrain from threatening the lives of your fellow classmates within this chat. If I see it again I will have to report it to Aizawa-Sensei, that is not to say that if I were to not see a message I would be unable to report said occurrence. I also find it disturbing that you could joke about this so soon after the death of a classmate. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Uraraka Ochako **has added **Bakugo Katsuki**, and **Kirishima Eijiro** to the group

**Bakugo: **Oi, round face, stop adding me to this shitty group chat

**Kirishima:** I don't really care but if you add him back add me back too.

**Kaminari:** he- hewwo kiwishima bwo OwO is it weawy u? U were gone for so long I missed your face.

**Hagakure: **I miss my face

**Shoji: **Hagakure, have you ever even seen your face?

**Midoriya:** Were you born invisible or did it manifest later? Did it manifest all at once? Since your clothing is visible can you appear visible by wearing makeup up? How did invisibility allow you to excel in the entrance exams?

**Bakugo:** shut up deku

**Todoroki: **As much as I hate agreeing with Bakugo, this seems like the type of thing the two of you could discuss in a more personal context, Midoriya

**Midoriya: **Oh! Of course! My apologies Kacchan!

**Bakugo: **fuck you

**Ashido:** way too apologize to the completely wrong person,,

**Midoriya: **Sorry, Todoroki?

**Ashido: ***facepalms*

**Jiro: **did you just type the word facepalm

**Ashido: **you read what I typed

**Jiro:** shit u right

**Kaminari: **Guys what if we all just say one thing we're going to miss about Mineta

**Sero: **wait Mineta died?

**Iida: **Dear Sero, please read my primary message in the group for all of the information you seem to be missing. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Yaoyorozu: **I believe he was joking, Iida

**Iida: **Dear Yaoyorozu, I appreciate the input, but on the off chance he was not, I did not want to assume. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Kaminari**: anyways I'll go first. I'll miss talking about girls with Mineta

**Kirishima: **aren't you gay?

**Kaminari:** I'm straight but, but go off

**Sero: **I'll miss his homophobic tendencies and comments that he whispered to you in front of me

**Yaoyorozu: **I'll miss him harassing me in public and making me feel unsafe in public,

**Jiro:** ^

**Ashido: **^^

**Uraraka: **^^^

**Hagakure: **^^^^

**Asui: **I actually won't miss that.

**Ashido: **Su, you're so fucking valid

**Sato: **I'll miss his throwing arm, we'll never have another second baseman like him

**Kaminari: **WTF

**Kaminari: **IS THERE A SECRET SOFTBALL TEAM?

**Kaminari: **YOU INVITED MINETA AND NOT ME TO THE SECRET SOFTBALL TEAM

**Sero: **Ex-nay in front of Aminari-kay

**Kaminari: **Et tu, Sero? Et tu.

**Sero:** bro i love you but last time we tried to play a sport you electrocuted me.

**Kaminari:** it was foosball how the fuck am I not supposed to electrocute the bars

**Sero:** GRAB THE RUBBER PART

**Kaminari: **FUCK YOU

**Tokoyami: **I will also miss his throwing arm

**Bakugo: **I won't miss him at all, he couldn't bat for shit

**Kaminari: **OH COME ON

**Kaminari: **BAKUGO IS ON THE TEAM?!

**Uraraka: **He's the pitcher

**Kirishima:** I'm the catcher

**Kaminari:** IM NOT EVEN GOING TO COMMENT ON THAAT IM SO FUCKING MAD

**Kaminari: **WAIT WHO ELSE IS ON THE TEAM

**Iida: **Dear Kaminari, the team line up is as follows. Team Present Mic is Kirishima, Bakugo, Uraraka, Sero, Aoyama, Shoji, Tokoyami, Mineta, and Sato. Team All Might is Midoriya, Asui, Mina, Yaoyorozu, Jiro, Hagakure, Ojirou, Todoroki, and I. Hope this helps. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Kaminari: **YOU NAMED THE TEAMS AFTER OUR TEACHERS?

**Asui: **Actually they are the coaches

**Kaminari: **WHAT

**Kaminari:n** SO EVERYONE IN THE CLASS WAS ON THE TEAM EXCEPT FOR ME HUH?

**Midoriya: **Well, not Koda.

**Kaminari: **AT LEAST IM NOT THE ONLY ONE EXCLUDED

**Kaminari: **Wait, I just realized…

**Kaminari: **WITH MINETA DEAD TEAM PM IS A PLAYER SHORT

**Kaminari: **I CAN TAKE HIS PLACE

**Uraraka: **Actually we just had practice and it turns out Koda is a natural at second base! He did better than Mineta did, and we think he'll be better than Mina!

**Ashido: **he wishes

**Kaminari: **WAIT PRACTICE?

**Kaminari: **IS THAT WHERE EVERYONE IS?

**Bakugo: **where the fuck did you think we were?

**Kaminari: **i DUNNO, THE LIBRARY?

**Todoroki: **You thought we all went to the library every week on Wednesday at 2:00?

**Kaminari: **THATS WHAT SERO SAID

**Sero: **This is what you guys get for making me be the one to lie to him

**Yaoyorozu: **He trusts you!

**Sero: **Not anymore!

**Kaminari: **NOT ANYMORE MY TRUST HAS BEEN SHATTERED

**Kaminari: **Mineta was my only true friend

**Jiro: **He lied to you too….

**Kaminari: **FUCK

**Aoyama: **I've never lied to you, non

**Kaminari: ** n

**Kaminari: **so what do I have no friends? Fuck

**Bakugo: **loser

**Sero: **can I make it up to you?

**Ashido:** ;

**Sero: **Buy you something?

**Sero: **Mina! You interrupted my message, whore

**Ashido: **oops

**Kaminari: **I can't be bought

**Sero: **I have half a pb&j

**Kaminari: **sold

**Kirishima: ** **Bakugo Katsuki** why can't we have what they have

**Bakugo: **fuck off shitty hair

**Aoyama: **I have what they have

**Kirishima: **with who?

**Aoyama: **Moi!

**Midoriya: **Todoroki, are you the Kaminari to my Sero?

**Todoroki: **If anything, you're the Kaminari to my Sero

**Ojiro: **does that mean sero tops?

**Hagakure:** i cant stop laughing we should've had this chat ages ago

**Jiro: **we all met like a month and a half ago

**Hagakure: **and that's a month and a half wasted

**Aoyama: **If anyone is curious,,, I am dating myself right now and we are,, how you say,, tres happy!

**Sato: **He's not even French

**Aoyama: **There is no need to be jealous, dear Sato, one day you will find someone as perfect as Moi

**Aoyama: **just kidding! No one is as perfect as me!

**Jiro: **Is it bad that I want to talk about Mineta again?

**Tokoyami: **yes

**Hagakure: **Oh! I know! Does anyone have any secrets?

**Midoriya: **Besides the secret softball league?

**Kaminari: **THERES AN ENTIRE LEAGUE?!

**Bakugo: **I have a secret

**Uraraka: **?

**Kirishima: **?

**Bakugo: **sometimes I fantasize about killing all of you

**Uraraka: **you fantasize about me?

**Kirishima: **us*?

**Kaminari: **I feel like you two are ignoring a big part of the message

**Sero:** let them have this

**Iida: **Dear Bakugo, I must insist that you refrain from messaging any sort of messages involving murder or killing especially considering the main reason for my creating this group in the first place. Please remember this before you send another message similar to this in the future. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Bakugo Katsuki** has left the group

**Kirishima Eijiro** has left the group

**Uraraka Ochako **has left the group

**Midoriya: **why did Ochako leave the group?

**Todoroki: **^ Kirishima I get, but Uraraka?

**Ojiro: **I know they're oblivious when it comes to each other but you would think they would notice things about their friends

**Kaminari: **Alright my dudes while they're gone, who do we think Bakugo is gonna fuck first? Uraraka or Kirishima?

**Sero:** I'd fuck Kirishima so Imma pick him

**Kaminari: **You wouldn't fuck Uraraka?

**Sero: **Bros before hoes

**Jiro: **That totally fits here

**Jiro:** ...for that same reasoning my money is on Uraraka

**Iida: **Dear Kaminari, Sero, and Jiro, I must ask that you refrain from making crude conversation about our classmates. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Todoroki: **My bet is both at the same time

**Iida: **Dear Todoroki, et tu? Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Kaminari: **IS THAT AN OPTION

**Tokoyami: **Like in general or for the bet

**Kaminari: **How would he have sex with two people at the same time… He only has one dick, right?

**Shoji: **For as much as you hung out with Mineta I feel like you should know more about this

**Sero: **I don't think Mineta believed in the Devil's Threesome

**Todoroki: **He was probably afraid he wouldn't be able to measure up

**Midoriya: **He wouldn't be able to measure up to you, Todorokikun

**Ashido: **MIDORIYA! WHAT!

**Midoriya: **I just mean that Mineta is in no way as noble, brave, or powerful as Todoroki

**Ashido: ***facepalm*

**Ashido: **I'm voting for Uraraka bc despite how manly Kiri boasts to be he's super shy when it comes to romance

**Sato: **But have you seen the glances Kirishima and Bakugo have shared? The chemistry?

**Sato: **also koda likes uraraka more, so i think he bets on her

**Kaminari: **that's going to devastate Kirishima

**Asui: **he finds his masculinity a tad bit threatening

**Asui: **and for that same reasoning I vote Kirishima, Bakugo needs someone a little threatening

**Hagakure: **I love my girl Uraraka, but Kirishima has got it in the bag

**Aoyama: **I disagree! Todoroki has the right idea! Both is always better, non

**Shoji:** Midoriya, you've known Bakugo the longest, who do you think he will pick?

**Midoriya: **It is true that I have known Kacchan a long time, but in that time I can't say that I have learned the way of his heart. However, I do know Uraraka won't give up going after what she wants, and if that is Kacchan as you are all claiming, then I can't see Kirishima beating Uraraka to Kacchans heart

**Jiro: **I don't really think they are going after his heart, Midoriya

**Midoriya: **what else would they be going after?

**Iida: **Dear Midoriya, based on the previous messages in the thread, I believe that Uraraka and Kirishima are aiming more towards sexual relations with Bakugo, rather than form a meaningful romantic bond with him. Hope this helps. Since I see romantic chemistry as a possible path that may lead to intercourse, Uraraka has a long journey ahead if she hopes to get on an even playing field with Kirishima. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Midoriya: **!

**Ashido: **Is anyone with Midoriya? Is he blushing?

**Todoroki:** Can confirm

**Midoriya: **They're planning on having sex before marriage!? What if someone gets pregnant?!

**Tokoyami:** I hope it's Bakugo, he has such motherly charm.

**Sero: **sex before marriage not in my good christian discord server, I won't even kiss before marriage.

**Kaminari: **Kissing before marriage, please, I won't even talk to someone before marriage.

**Sato:** you are like little baby watch this.

**Sato: **I won't even be in the same room unless it's a wedding chappel. I drink my respecting women juice.

**Aoyama: ***googles: "is it possible to marry oneself?"*

**Yaoyorozu Momo** has added **Uraraka Ochako **to the group

**Yaoyorozu: **Uraraka, Hagakure, Tsuya, Kyoka, will you still be accompanying me to the mall today?

**Ashido: **wow wtf

**Yaoyorozu: **you said you were tired, I'm sorry do you want to come?

**Ashido: **nah im just joshing you good

**Uraraka: **...you.. you do realize I can read chats from when I was out of the chat

**Sero Hanta **has removed several messages

**Sero: **wym

**Uraraka: **I don't think I'm in a competition with Kirishima

**Uraraka: **competition implies he has a chance.

**Kaminari: **DAMN

**Sero: **COLD BLOODED

**Uraraka Ochako **has removed several messages

**Uraraka Ochako** has added **Bakugo Katsuki** to the group

**Kaminari: **DAMN

**Sero: **COLD BLOODED

**Bakugo: **will you two ever shut the fuck up?

**Sero: **no

**Yaoyorozu: **I feel like we're missing someone

**Kaminari: **Mineta's dead /3

**Jiro:** 3**

**Hagakure: **Do you think class 1-B has a group chat?

**Bakugo: **Fuck class 1-B

**Kaminari: **Bitch I'm trying

**Sero: **Tetsu-Tetsu?

**Kaminari: **Monoma

**Bakugo: **I can't believe im saying this, truly I cannot believe it, but pikachu you can do better

**Kaminari: **Thanks Dad

**Bakugo Katsuki **has left the group

**Kaminari: **W o w sero way to make Bakubro leave again

**Sero: **IT WASNT ME THIS TIME

**Uraraka Ochako **has added **Bakugo Katsuki** to the group

**Bakugo: **round face it makes it harder and harder to leave the group if you keep adding me back

**Todoroki: **I'm surprised Kirishima didn't follow you again

**Iida: **Dear Todoroki, last time that Kirishima left, he was never added back. That is why he did not follow Bakugo's lead again. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Bakugo: **If I HAVE to be in this group, so does Kirishima

**Bakugo: **…

**Bakugo: **I dont know how to add someone to the group

**Iida Tenya **has added **Kirishima Eijiro **to the group

**Iida Tenya **has locked the group

**Iida: **Dear Classmates, I have locked the group. From now on there will be no more leaving or removing others from the group. I hope that you will all learn from this. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Kaminari: **Wish we could remove him from the group

**Iida: **Dear Kaminari, as I just stated there will be no more adding or removing. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.


	2. mourning

**4:20 AM**

**Bakugo: **I DONT CARE WHO THE FUCK IT IS BUT WHOEVER THE FUCK IS JERKING OFF RN NEEDS TO FUCKING STOP

**Aoyama: **Moi appologiez Mon amore et moi non realize anyone else was awake hon hon hon

**Bakugo: **if anyone is interested in switching rooms I am willing to orchestrate a trade

**Midoriya: **I'll switch with you Kacchan!

**Bakugo: **anyone, anyone at all

**Todoroki: **Midoriya, isn't your room next to Aoyama's?

**Midoriya: **oh yeah. It is, I don't really mind the noise, I wear headphones, plus what aoyama does in his own room is his business and while it may be highly inappropriate, I think we should just stop talking about it.

**Aoyama:** I thought you would appreciate my symphony? Oh well, greatness is never appreciated during it's time.

**Iida:** Dear classmates, please refrain from discussing these matters, this is a highly inappropriate message to wake up too. It has soured the mood for my morning run. Thank you for your understanding. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Kaminari:** Can y'all stop Im trying to get a tight 12 hours of sleep

**Sero: **You were awake at 12:30, class starts at 8

**Kaminari: **was I awake? Or were you just dreaming about me again

**Sero: **,,,

**Ashido: **kaminari we were all awake, you broke my laptop trying to charge it with your mouth

**Kaminari: **just let me sleep i have at least three more hours till class

**Bakugo: **bitch

**Kirishima: **I'll switch rooms bakugo

**Bakugo: **we're literally right next to each other

**Ashido: **;)

**Bakugo: **our rooms are right next to each other.

**Kirishima:** yeah but you're directly above him

**Bakugo: **...

**Bakugo: **dm me

**Iida:** Dear Bakugo, unfortunately, we are unable to switch rooms. I too am a victim of this rule seeing as how my room is directly above Aoyama's and directly below yours. While I am not a fan of this rule, I do abide by it, and so must all of you. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Aoyama: **All of this typing has really ruined my flow

**Bakugo: **good

**Aoyama: **not to worry, mi amore et mon shall be reunited soon

**Midoriya: **How soon?

**Todoroki: **Midoriya, seeing as you are already awake would you care to join me in sparring, this morning, say around six. I'm sure we will be able to use the gym seeing as your dad works here.

**Kaminari: **YOUR DAD WORKS HERE?

**Sero: **IS IT LUNCH RUSH?

**Bakugo: **idiots, his dad left him.

**Todoroki: **I'll believe that all might isn't his dad when i see it

**Midoriya: **He's not my dad

**Ashido: **no i believe hotncold, he's ur dad

**Bakugo: **I thought it was icy hot

**Todoroki: **its todoroki

**Kirishima: **who's todoroki? U mean endeavor?

**Todoroki: **i will beat you to death with endeavors corpse

**Bakugo: **just try it half n half i'll dismantle you from the inside out

**Todoroki: **bring it rat boy

**Bakugo: **I'll kill you, bring it on mother fucker

**Iida: **Dear Todoroki and Bakugo, I should not have to remind the two of you of the strict rules about threatening other students' lives. I am extremely disappointed in both of you, especially you Todoroki. I will not hesitate to mute you in the chat and report you to Aizawa-Sensei, do not think you are above the rules. Either of you. Sincerely, Iida Tenya

**Ashido: **Dayummmmmm iida not messin round

**Iida: **Dear Classmates, class starts in two hours I would suggest you all get ready and have breakfast rather than spend your time engaging with your cellular devices. Please allow those of us who need the time to get ready the luxury to not be distracted. Sincerely, Iida Tenya

**Jiro: **DID ANYONE DO THE HOMEWORK FOR ECTOPLASMS CLASS

**Hagakure: **I tried but I have so many blank spots :/

**Ashido: **im just gonna say koda's bunny ate my homework.

**Tokoyami: **listen to me you piece of shit don't ever shit talk koda again or his bunny, that bunny is so well behaved the teacher would sooner believe that kaminari ate it then him, okay? I will not hesitate to kill any of you for koda ok? OK?

**Iida: ** Dear Tokoyami, While I appreciate you defending Koda, please do not threaten the lives of your fellow classmates. Next person who does so will be reported to Aizawa-Sensei. Sincerely, Iida Tenya

**Ashido: **I will tell Ectoplasm that Kaminari ate my homework.

**Kaminari: **honestly, that's fair

**Yaoyorozu: **You guys should have told me, I would have helped you.

**Asui: **You guys can feel free to copy my homework, I can't promise it's perfect but I think i did okay.

**Ashido: **Tsuu saved my life i owe u i loev u thanmks

**Asui:** *blushes* awe of course, guys!

**Sero: **cool cool cool cool no doubt no doubt no doubt, did anyone also do all might and present mics homework

**Bakugo:** yes

**Sero:** can I copy

**Bakugo:** not a chance

**Sero: **Why am I friends with you.

**Bakugo: **ur not

**Kaminari: **u can copy mine

**Sero: **I'd rather get an extension than an f, thanks.

**Kaminari: **Bullied by my own best bro, i thought you were bae turns out you're just fam

**Sero: **Bruh?

**Uraraka: **you can copy mine sero, but like only once

**Sero:** do I seem like the type to need to copy homework more than once

**Bakugo: **yes

**Uraraka:** yep!

**Ashido:** you betcha

**Iida: **Dear Sero, It seems that you have presented a pattern of missing academic assignments, so you inevitably will ask to plagiarize in the future, yes. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Jiro:** ofc

**Sero: **i get it

**Sero: **Anyways, anyone feel like it will be weird having one less student.

**Ojiro: **we have one less student?

**Hagakure:** Sero despite not being seen I am still in class rude of you to insult me in this way

**Jiro: **no clearly he means that because midoriya has been revealed as all might's secret love child they are removing him from school.

**Bakugo: **I may not believe in god but prayers have been answered

**Uraraka:** Bye Deku! You shall be missed!

**Todoroki:** Midoriya isn't leaving Uraraka. I'm shocked you believed he would leave school without telling me

**Uraraka: **I guess I'm his favorite

**Todoroki: **no that makes absolutely zero sense

**Kirishima: **um I'm pretty sure I'm Midoriyas favorite

**Uraraka:** fine then I'm Bakugos favorite

**Kirishima:** woah woah woah you need to back the fuck off Im the best Bakubro

**Uraraka: **I'm not denying that I don't need to be a bro to know how he feels

**Kaminari:** that was fucking deep

**Sero: **twitter bio has been updated

**Kirishima:** tell Uraraka she's wrong **Bakugo Katsuki**

**Bakugo:** I'm not touching this

**Kirishima: **but Bakubro!

**Bakugo: **round face is now my favorite solely bc she doesn't call me that horrendous nickname

**Kaminari: **guess I'll never be your favorite Bakubro

**Bakugo: **u were never in the running

**Kaminari: **I am both hurt and offended

**Aoyama:** kaminari you're my favorite

**Kaminari: **…. Really?

**Aoyama: **non! Moi is my favorite!

**Sero: **u can be my favorite

**Kaminari: **I'm still mad at u

**Sero: **Uraraka is now also my favorite

**Uraraka: **I am inevitable

**Asui: **ur my fav too

**Uraraka: **I'm going to make friendship bracelets for everyone who picks me as their favorite!

**Kirishima:** I'm good thanks

**Uraraka: **may your family only have sons

**Kirishima: **u call that a threat, we would b so manly

**Uraraka: **I hope they're all quirkless.

**Kirishima:** you take that back you sonofabitch

**Uraraka: **bite me

**Kirishima: **you're not my type

**Uraraka: **sry I don't taste like nitroglycerin

**Kirishima: **listen here you little bitch

**Iida: **Dear Uraraka and Kirishima, please refrain from gossip and "exposing" people in the chat, I did not make this chat with the intent of hurting and excluding people. Sincerely, Iida Tenya

**Kaminari: **No exposing people, then im out of here

**Kaminari: **Sero has a bondage kink

**Sero: **I TOLD YOU THAT IN PRIVATE

**Sero: **Kaminari tried to stick his dick in an outlet

**Tokoyami:** dare I ask why you know this about each other

**Shoji: **I'd assume it's the same reason I know about dark shadow's praise kink

**Ashido: **I DONT KNOW WHATS HAPPENING BUT I LOVE IT

**Kaminari: **stfu Mina I know about your collar

**Sero: **yeah Mina we all know about your thing for tongues

**Uraraka: **As your floor mate, I am aware of your fondness for noise

**Ashido: **I came out here to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling attacked rn

**Hagakure: **Minachan you're pretty vocal when you tell me about your escapades so I'm surprised more people aren't coming forward tbh

**Midoriya: **Well, I wasn't going to say anything, but I heard you have a thing for people with green hair, and like I'm flattered, but I just don't see you that way

**Todoroki: **oh? Do you find offence to her looks in some way? Ashido seems like the kind of girl you would like, Midoriya

**Midoriya: **It isn't her looks that I find off putting, it's more uhm something else

**Ashido: **Is it my personality?

**Kaminari: **Is it her horns?

**Sero: **Is it her eyes?

**Midoriya: **uhm no nothing like that

**Bakugo: **hes gay

**Midoriya: **KACCHAN

**Uraraka: **notice how he has not denied the claim

**Todoroki: **Midoriya, is this true?

**Midoriya: **This wasn't the way I wanted to tell everyone, but thanks to Kacchan it seems I don't get a choice

**Asui: **It's cool Midoriya! I'm gay too!

**Tokoyami: **Shoji and I are also gay

**Kaminari: **woah woah woah who else is gay

**Jiro: **you

**Jiro: **and also me

**Kaminari: **I am not gay

**Sero: **yeah whenever we do things he is always sure to say no homo before

**Kaminari: **she just doesn't get it bae

**Iida: **Dear Jiro, If you were to scroll up, you would see that Kaminari clearly stated he is straight. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Kirishima: **I'm not gay guys

**Uraraka: **you're not?

**Kirishima: **nah Im bi

**Ashido: **ayyyyyy but also uhm name one woman

**Kirishima: **Ur mom

**Kaminari: **You fucking got her

**Sato: **Im straight but I'm an ally all the way

**Sero: **I thought you were one of those guys who was into food but like sexually

**Sato: **I'm not denying that

**Sero: **cool cool cool

**Aoyama: **I'm autosexual

**Sato: **you fuck cars?

**Aoyama: **non, I fuck moi!

**Uraraka: **I'm straight but I support all of you always

**Bakugo: **I'm straight but I support none of you always

**Kirishima: **so okay thats one person in denial anyone else

**Sero: **I too am straight

**Asui: **didn't you just say you did stuff with Kaminari?

**Sero: **no homo fool it means i'm in the clear

**Ashido: **It means you're in the closet

**Kirishima: **so that's two for denial? Do I hear a third?

**Todoroki: **Midoriya, it was so brave of you to handle your outing like that. Bakugo should be more sensitive to others feelings

**Uraraka: **He is very sensitive he just doesn't know it yet

**Bakugo: **EH?

**Kirishima: **Wow, Uraraka you just go for it

**Midoriya: **Wait a minute is it normal to be sexually attracted to food?

**Sato: **Can't a man just drip ice cream on himself slowly in private?

**Kaminari: **slowly?

**Sero: **in private?

**Sero: **ARE YOU HIDING ICE CREAM FROM US

**Sato: **Thanks a lot, Midoriya

**Bakugo: **call him deku

**Sato: **I'm not gonna call him Deku

**Bakugo: **you just did

**Sato: **I played myself

**Uraraka: **Why is everyone so against calling Deku Deku?

**Kirishima: **It's an insult, Uraraka, stupid bitch

**Bakugo: **leave round face alone deku is the perfect name and the only name deku should be called

**Kirishima: **I'm not going to call Midoriya Deku, Bakubro

**Bakugo: **and you wonder why you aren't my favorite

**Kirishima: **well fuck me I guess

**Uraraka: **no one else will

**Aoyama: **Ah Kirishima! Welcome to the autosexual club! We meet every Wednesday after softball practice!

**Ashido: **okay can yall just stop and have that threesome already I want to know more about kinks our classmates have!

**Aoyama: **I am going to have to take a raincheck on the threesome! Mon gets very how you say jealous of others touching me

**Ashido: **I was talking about Uraraka Bakugo and Kirishima, you non miraculous sonofabitch

**Aoyama: **non miraculous?

**Aoyama: **Mina likes her horns being pulled

**Ashido: **I meant other people

**Tokoyami: **Jiro likes her ears being played with

**Yaoyorozu:** Jiro? Is this true?

**Jiro: **I can neither confirm nor deny

**Kaminari: **Tokoyami how do you know this?

**Tokoyami: **it was during the refreshment hour of goth club

**Sero: **refreshment hour? Can I join goth club?

**Tokoyami: **unfortunately we are not accepting applicants at this time

**Jiro: **plus its gay goths only,,, unless you have something you would like to share with the class

**Sero: **no not entirely

**Iida: **Dear Jiro and Tokoyami, unfortunately for a club to be recognized by the school it must have a faculty advisor. Please see a faculty member at your earliest convenience. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Jiro: **Aizawa is our faculty advisor

**Iida: **Dear Jiro, I was unaware of this. Thank you for giving me this information. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Ashido: **Todoroki is into temperature play

**Todoroki: **I feel like that was just a given

**Midoriya: **! what is temp play? !

**Bakugo: **nothing you'll ever see virgin idiot

**Midoriya: **But Kacchan aren't you also a virgin

**Bakugo: **ILL KILL YOU

**Iida: **Dear Bakugo, once again I must insist you refrain from threatening Midoriya's life. Also, it is no shame to have ones purity still intact. I myself, still have my virginity, but not to fear, one day someone shall come along and the two of you will be able to "get it on" but please remember we are all around the age of fifteen, and I am not yet ready to start going by Uncle Iida, so please remember to be safe when the time does come. Also, as class rep I have a supply of protectionary measures, and if anyone is in the need of one, please feel free to approach me at your earliest convenience. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Kaminari: **LIKE FOR FREE?

**Bakugo: ** like you'd need them, virgin

**Iida: **Dear Kaminari, I was given these protectionary measures from Recovery Girl so I will not be charging you all should you ask for them. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Hagakure: **Anyways, Mashirao likes having his tale fondled

**Ojiro:** I never ask for this yet I always get triggered into it. Tooru calls people daddy

**Yaoyorozu: **Hagakure! Ojiro! First name basis! When did this happen?

**Kaminari: **I'd assume the daddy kink stems from daddy issues as a child, as for the first name basis idk

**Hagakure: **this is gonna sound so fucked up but it was the day mineta died

**Jiro: **who.

**Sero: **mineta died?

**Kaminari: **can we not disrespect my best bro

**Sero: **not to sound like bakubro but I will fucking ki! you

**Bakugo: **you sound nothing like me use the fucking word next time soy sauce

**Sero:** i don't want iida to yell at me so im self censoring also, so does this mean you are acknowledging that we are bakubros

**Bakugo: **see my comment above to shitty hair

**Kaminari: **GUYS MINETA IS DEAD CANT YOU SEE IM SUFFERING

**Iida: **Dear Kaminari, would you like me to set up an appointment with a grief counselor? Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Kaminari: **nah bro Im good

**Ashido: **like okay we get you were friendly with the dude but honestea he was a terrible influence on you, you were such a misogynist around him

**Kaminari: **Me? A misogynist?

**Jiro: **It's more likely than you think.

**Kaminari:** I am simply astonished by this. Sero, did u think mineta was a bad influence?

**Sero: **,,,,,

**Kirishima:** dude go off

**Sero: **maybe let's talk about this in private

**Kirishima: **spill the tea sis

**Ashido:** booooooooooooooo

**Midoriya: **guys let him do what makes him comfy

**Bakugo: **I didn't care 5 seconds ago but suddenly I think soy sauce should talk

**Midoriya:** Kacchan why do we always fight

**Bakugo: **we dont fight Deku fighting means that either party could be victorious I WILL FUCKING DESTROY YOUR BLOODLINE

**Todoroki: **Bakugo must you always threaten Midoriyas bloodline

**Bakugo: **yes

**Uraraka: **Interesting that Todoroki is worried about the status of Deku's future bloodline

**Ashido: **^^

**Kaminari:** so we really gonna let Sero off the hook like that huh

**Iida:** Dear Kaminari, It seems that you are ignoring every negative comment Sero has ever made about Mineta. I believe he is now attempting to spare your feelings due to you having just lost a friend. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Jiro: **HE JUST DESTROYED YOUR BLOODLINE

**Bakugo: **I am typically against anything foureyes says but damn get him

**Kaminari: **Sero is this true?

**Sero: **I mean yeah? What did you think? I'm not Bakubro Im not mean to the people I care about

**Bakugo: **WHAT

**Kirishima: **the man makes a good point

**Bakugo: **we've already established I don't care about you

**Kirishima: **is my face not round enough for you

**Yaoyorozu: **Guys! Class is starting soon! Get off of your phones before Aizawa-Sensei notices


	3. funeral

**3:30 PM**

**Kaminari Denki** has changed his name to **SexMaster6969**

**SexMaster6969: **GUYS YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT I DISCOVERED

**SexMaster6969** has changed **Sero Hanta**'s name to **SexMaster2**

**Ashido: **BLESS UP

**Ashido Mina** has changed her name to **Mina**

**SexMaster2: **Wow real original

**Mina: **Better than SexMaster2

**SexMaster2: **first of all how dare you

**Asui Tsuyu **has changed her name to **Tsu**

**Yaoyorozu: **Guys, we shouldn't let this get too out of hand

**SexMaster6969 **has changed **Yaoyorozu Momo**'s name to **BuzzKill**

**Iida: **Dear Kaminari, please refrain from changing people's nicknames without their consent. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**SexMaster6969** has changed **Iida Tenya**'s name to **MRBuzzKill**

**SexMaster2 **has changed **Kirishima Eijiro**'s name to **SexMaster3**

**Bakugo: **why are you all the worst people ive ever met

**Bakugo Katsuki **has changed **Midoriya Izuku**'s name to **Deku**

**Bakugo: **that's better

**SexMaster6969 **has changed **Bakugo Katsuki**'s name to **TheVirginTM**

**TheVirginTM: **ILL KILL YOU

**TheVirginTM** has changed his name to **KingExplosionMurder**

**Ojiro: **It is painful to see how unfunny you guys are

**SexMaster6969 **has changed **Ojiro Mashirao**'s name to **Karateisntasuperpower**

**Hagakure Toru **has changed her name to **TheInvisibleGirlTM**

**Tokoyami Fumikage **has changed his name to **DemonicApostle**

**KingExplosionMurder **has changed **Todoroki Shouto**'s name to **1/2/1/2**

**SexMaster6969 **has changed **Mezo Shoji**'s name to **6ARMS**

**6ARMS: **why do I get the worst name?

**SexMaster6969: **they can't all be winners

**6ARMS: **fair

**SexMaster6969 **has changed **Jiro Kyoka**'s name to **IfIhadtopickagirl**

**IfIhadtopickagirl: **I'm confused

**SexMaster6969: **Parks and Rec! The greatest American show?

**IfIhadtopickagirl: **?

**SexMaster6969: **YALL ARE LETTING ME DOWN

**SexMaster6969 **has changed **Sato Rikido**'s name to **JustaTaste**

**SexMaster6969 **has changed **Koda Koji**'s name to **alwaysthequietones**

**SexMaster6969 **has changed **Aoyama Yuga**'s name to **CarFucker**

**CarFucker** has changed his name to **CantStopTwinkling**

**KingExplosionMurder **has changed **Uraraka Ochako**'s name to **RoundFace**

**SexMaster3: **oi! You set her name, but not mine?

**KingExplosionMurder **has changed **SexMaster3**'s name to **Irrelevant**

**Irrelevant** has changed **RoundFace**'s name to **TheOtherWoman**

**KingExplosionMurder **has changed **TheOtherWoman**'s name to **RoundFace**

**Irrelevant: **Bitch why

**RoundFace: **hmmm you thought

**Irrelevant **has changed his name to **Inevitable**

**MRBuzzKill: **Dear Classmates, I will allow you all to play around with these names, but if they get mean or in any way hurt the feelings of others I will shut it down. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**SexMaster6969:** Anyone up for some drinkies?

**Inevitable: **u know it bb

**IfIhadtopickagirl: **I feel like I'm forgetting something today

**1/2/1/2: **GUYS WHAT THE FUCK

**1/2/1/2: **I HATE ALL OF YOU

**Mina: **even Midoriya?

**1/2/1/2: **I said what I said

**Deku: **What did I do?

**1/2/1/2: **It isnt what you did, its what all of you didn't do

**RoundFace: **Did we forget your birthday again?

**KingExplosionMurder: **no he was included in the celebration of bdays from b4 school started

**Inevitable: **oh so you remember his birthday and not mine?

**KingExplosionMurder: **I am not having this conversation with you again

**1/2/1/2: **guys can we get back to my rage please?

**Inevitable: **sorry

**1/2/1/2: **It's Friday

**SexMaster6969: **so? IS IT A SOFTBALL THING BC I SWEAR TO GOD

**1/2/1/2: **DOES NO ONE REMEMBER WHAT IS HAPPENING TODAY?

**MRBuzzKill: **Dear Todoroki, I remember what is happening today. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**SexMaster2: **Shouldn't you be signing the message Mr. BuzzKill?

**MRBuzzKill: **Dear Sero, No. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**1/2/1/2: **TODAY IS MINETA'S FUNERAL AND I AM THE ONLY ONE FROM OUR ENTIRE CLASS WHO SHOWED UP WHAT THE FUCK GUYS WHAT THE FUCK

**6ARMS: **Was that today?

**IfIhadtopickagirl: **Mineta died?

**1/2/1/2: **NOW IS NOT THE TIME

**1/2/1/2: **WHY THE FUCK ARE NONE OF YOU HERE

**KingExplosionMurder: **you can't honestly have expected me to attend

**RoundFace: **As a female, I feel I would be betraying my gender to attend that poor excuse for a mans funeral

**Mina: **so valid and so true

**SexMaster6969: **I'm celebrating Mineta's life in a way he would have wanted ,,,, pouring one out with the boys and hitting on girls

**Inevitable: **can confirm

**Tsu: **I unfortunately also can confirm

**SexMaster2: **Why unfortunately?

**Tsu: **Kaminari is not so great at hitting on girls when he is intoxicated

**IfIhadtopickagirl: **can confirm

**KingExplosionMurder **has changed **SexMaster2**'s name to **Zero**

**Zero** has changed his name to **Hero**

**IfIhadtopickagirl: **God I wish I could hate u rn but damn great reference

**1/2/1/2: **CAN WE GET BACK TO ME NOW? WHERE TF ARE THE REST OF YOU

**BuzzKill: **I believe that every girl has a valid reason for not attending.

**TheInvisibleGirlTM: **Yeah I'm sure hes prob told his fam that hes dating anywhere from one to all of us soooo yeah imma pass

**1/2/1/2: **WHY DOES HIS FAMILY ALL THINK THAT WE WERE BEST FRIENDS

**1/2/1/2: **THEY HAVE A SCRAPBOOK OF PICTURES OF THE TWO OF US

**1/2/1/2: **WHEN WAS MINETA IN MY BEDROOM?

**MRBuzzKill: **Dear Todoroki, Mineta came to me asking for someone to take pictures of you for a "Secret Santa" gift. I felt too awkward to say no, especially because I was not included in said "Secret Santa". It seems to me now, that Mineta used me for some sort of vanity project, and I must formally apologize to you now. I am deeply sorry for the disturbance I have caused. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**RoundFace: **Iida, there was no secret santa. We totally would include you if there were

**KingExplosionMurder: **no doubt, he'd buy the most expensive presents

**Hero: **ARE WE MAKING LOOSE PLANS TO DO A SECRET SANTA

**Inevitable: **FUCK YEAH I CALL BAKUGO

**Hero: **Not how secret santa works bro but im loving your energy

**1/2/1/2: **GUYS CAN WE GET BACK TO MY THING NOW?

**DemonicApostle: **Dark Shadow is a mess at funerals. Sorry it just isnt our scene

**Mina: **that's actually surprising to me ngl

**DemonicApostle: **Dark Shadow is an emotionally complex individual

**6ARMS: **can confirm

**JustaTaste:** I accidentally started a recipe and it's a doozy my dudes. Not to fear, I will be supplying some goodies for the 1-A reception

**1/2/1/2: **I'm still mad but not as mad at Sato

**CantStopTwinkling: **mon apologiez, but this was the only time for mi amore to how you say get busy

**1/2/1/2: **and my rage has returned

**MRBuzzKill: **Dear Todoroki, I made the personal decision not to attend the funeral for Mineta. This was something I pondered over for a very long time, but I ultimately decided that I should not attend for anything I was going to say would be untruthful and a lie, and I do not want to say something false about a classmate, and I could not say anything true about Mineta that his family would appreciate me saying. That being said, as class rep, I would like to speak at all of your funerals in the future, should any of you die before I do. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**KingExplosionMurder: **no thanks

**RoundFace: **maybe we shouldn't talk about all of us dying

**RoundFace: **and instead talk about who has yet to respond yet, like, oh, I dont know, deku

**Mina: **Midoriya is the one who Todoroki asked about in the first place,,,,,

**Hero: **So true Mina, I wonder what our favorite green haired classmate is doing

**Tsu: **w o w

**Hero: **oh no Tsu I have made a tragic mistake plz forgive me

**Tsu **has changed **Hero**'s name to **SNAKE**

**SNAKE**: IM SORRY

**SexMaster6969: **Snake is a pretty dope name man

**Inevitable: **RT

**Tsu **has changed **SexMaster6969'**s name to **Loser**

**Tsu **has changed **Inevitable**'s name to **Fool**

**Loser **has changed his name to **LoVer**

**Fool **has changed his name to **Cool**

**KingExplosionMurder: **I hate both of you

**LoVer: **Sticks and stones

**Karateisntasuperpower: **I have no idea what's going on but can you guys ever chill

**LoVer: **NO

**Mina: **signs point to nope

**SNAKE: **we wouldnt be the bakubros you know and love if we could

**KingExplosionMurder** has changed **SNAKE**'s name to **NextClassmateToDie**

**MRBuzzKill: **Dear Bakugo, despite my several warnings you continue to threaten the lives of fellow classmates. I have no choice but to tell Aizawa. Sincerely, Iida Tenya

**Cool** has changed **MRBuzzKill**'s name to **TattleTail**

**Karateisntasuperpower:** I feel like I should find offence to Iida getting a nickname regarding a tail and not me

**Mina: **probs

**Mina:** BUT can we get back to the topic of Todoroki's anguish

**KingExplosionMurder:** do you mean the knowledge that he'll never be as good a hero as me?

**1/2/1/2: **as if

**KingExplosionMurder: **I WILL DESTROY YOUR BLOODLINE

**Deku: **hey guys, why is Kacchan threatening Todoroki's bloodline

**RoundFace: **ofc that is the message he sees and feels the need to respond to

**TheInvisibleGirlTM: **Who put money on Midoriya replying to a message regarding Todoroki?

**DemonicApostle:** Dark Shadow put down something involving Todoroki.

**Mina: **BUT I had something involving romance

**6ARMS: **What about Midoriya's message screams romance to you?

**Mina: **the mention of bloodlines i.e. Midoriya wants to connect his bloodline with Todorokis

**Cool: **I don't think you know how anatomy and biology work

**Mina: **Which one of us has knowledge of acid? Huh Huh Huh well its me

**BuzzKill: **Wouldn't that be considered chemistry?

**Mina: **Are they not the same thing?

**BuzzKill: **Are you sure you don't want me to help you with your homework? I'm a very good tutor just ask Kyoka

**Mina: **getting homework help would take the slightest effort which I do not possess

**NextClassmateToDie:** moooOood

**Cool: **ok but both of you could definitely use help and all you do is lye around anyways

**NextClassmateToDie: **Sorry mom

**1/2/1/2: **things back at the funeral are getting more disturbing by the second.

**LoVer: **Disturbing like Mineta didn't really die? Or disturbing like my grandmother's funeral where she wanted to be buried in her wedding lingerie?

**NextClassmateToDie: **Open casket?

**1/2/1/2:** well I definitely didn't need to know that

**NextClassmateToDie: **Say what you will but i've seen pics of Kaminari's gma and shes a fox

**LoVer:** i will strike you dead fulfilling the prophecy

**IfIhadtopickagirl: **I don't like the direction this conversation is going

**CantStopTwinkling: **I do like where this is going

**TattleTail: **Dear Kaminari, as I have stated numerous times here, threatening another student's life is not welcomed. You don't want me to set up another one on one meeting with you and Mr. Aizawa. Sincerely, Iida Tenya

**Deku: **Todoroki! I am so so sorry I missed the funeral.

**1/2/1/2: **I do not forgive you

**Deku: **pwease

**1/2/1/2: **ok

**KingExplosionMurder: **How the fuck do I mute this godforsaken chat, if I wanted to see two losers flirt I'd watch tv with the alien girl

**Mina: **you know what my name is right

**Cool: **I find there's no point correcting him anymore

**KingExplosionMurder:** thanks shitty hair

**Cool: **no prob anger management issues, after all this will all be solved after years and years of therapy.

**KingExplosionMurder: **IM GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU

**TattleTail: **Dear Bakugo, If I say this one more time it will be four times too many, stop threatening people's lives because of your own insecurities. I have scheduled you for Friday at 4:30 for a meeting with Mr. Aizawa. Sincerely, Iida Tenya

**TheInvisibleGirlTM: **can we get back to what is really important, like how it took two messages to get Todoroki to forgive Midoriya

**Mina: **He didn't forgive anyone else

**1/2/1/2: **I only forgave Midoriya because he is the only one I believe is truly sorry

**1/2/1/2: **Also his dad is All Might and I'm not trying to mess with that

**Deku: **my dad is not all might

**KingExplosionMurder: **I keep telling you all his dad left him because he couldn't handle having such a lame son

**RoundFace: **I don't think All Might is deku's dad. If anything my money is on Ectoplasm

**NextClassmateToDie: **It's definitely lunch rush

**Karateisntasuperpower: **Why does his dad have to work here?

**Deku: **can we maybe not make jokes about my absentee father

**KingExplosionMurder: **He wouldn't be able to afford to go here if not

**Deku: **i will be turning off my phone for a while when i come back please be talking about something else

**NextClassmateToDie: ** it's totally lunch rush though right

**1/2/1/2: **Midoriya, please don't leave me on this medium

**Tsu: **Why don't we discuss what Mineta's family is like? Who could make such a monster?

**RoundFace: ** I don't know if I could handle it

**1/2/1/2: **They are exactly the kind of people you think they are if that makes any sense

**6ARMS: **I get it, you would not believe it but Tokoyami's parents are not at all who you think they would be

**Mina: **ARE WE DISCUSSING FAMILY SECRETS?

**LoVer: **stfu Mina I know all about how you sell your bath water

**Mina: **what does that have to do with my family?

**LoVer: **you take baths at home,,,,,,

**Cool: **mina hes just trying to stop you from talking about his dads failed summer camp .

**LoVer: **That was a level 9 secret, you've betrayed my trust.

**RoundFace: **Keep it up Kirishima and you'll have no friends left

**Cool: **Better to have no friends then to be a fake bitch

**KingExplosionMurder: **don't call roundface a bitch

**Cool: **but I can call her fake?

**KingExplosionMurder: **no

**LoVer: **you know you dont need his permission to insult her, Right?

**Cool **has changed **RoundFace**'s nickname to **MightAsWellFuckMonomaBcBakugoWillNeverFuckYou**

**MightAsWellFuckMonomaBcBakugoWillNeverFuckYou:** at least i dont spend my nights in the bedroom next to his beating off to the idea of him spitting on me

**KingExplosionMurder: **I don't think I like what's happening

**LoVer:** catfight!

**Cool: **At least I am actually friends with him

**MightAsWellFuckMonomaBcBakugoWillNeverFuckYou: **are you bc I've seen his messages to you and they don't seem super friendly

**Cool: **if you knew anything about him besides his quirk and how his bulge looks in his hero costume you'd know he has intimacy issues and talks like that to maintain an image but still cares

**MightAsWellFuckMonomaBcBakugoWillNeverFuckYou: **I know more than you think, I know what he says when you're not around

**Cool: **he hates you i fucking know he does he fucking hates you you piece of shit loser why does he even talk to you you're nothing

**LoVer: **this isnt sexy

**LoVer: **catfights are SUPPOSED to be SEXY

**LoVer:** this is as unsexy as when Sero wore mina's green face mask and got a nosebleed

**NextClassmateToDie: **I thought I was sexy

**TattleTail: **Dear Kirishima Uraraka and Bakugo, this extremely heated argument seems like a personal matter that should be handled elsewhere. If you want to have a counselor present that's fine, I will personally see to it. I have been trying to find a way to word this message and I fear I do not have the proper words to explain what I want to convey. You are all fine individuals with great quirks who will be impressive heroes one day, and I benefit from fighting alongside each of you. If you can not put personal matters, such as who has sexual intercourse with whom, aside for the purpose of training and education, I fear you are not as heroic as I thought. Fix yourselves. Do not make this a habit. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**TattleTail **has removed all nicknames

**Iida Tenya **has changed **Ashido Mina**'s nickname to **Mina**

**Iida Tenya **has changed **Asuyu Tsuyu**'s nickname to **Tsu**

**Iida Tenya **has locked nickname settings


	4. surprise

**12:06 PM**

**Kirishima: **hey guys just wanted to let you all know that Uraraka, Bakugo and I have been up since 4 this morning discussing what occurred yesterday. We have worked it all out and everyone's friends again.

**Uraraka: **GET TO THE GOOD PART, bitch

**Kirishima: **Right! Okay so we were hungry bc we couldn't eat from the feelings we were feeling. So when everything was resolved we decided to head over to grab some food AND WE SAW MIDORIYA'S DAD

**Sero: **lunch rush?

**Todoroki: **All might?

**Kirishima: **YES to Todoroki, Sero, we've been over this, but something else happened too

**Bakugo: **dekus mom was with him

**Uraraka: **and they were doing some things

**Midoriya:** wait,, my mother is here? Why didn't she tell me she was coming?

**Uraraka: **she certainly came

**Jiro: **I just spit water out of my nose URARAKA

**Todoroki: **I'm a little confused by your wording, Uraraka but may I say I am so proud that I knew All might was Midoriya's dad.

**Bakugo: **I don't think all mights his dad there's no way they share dna. If anything it's most likely an "uncle all might" situation

**Midoriya: **Kacchan, you've been to our family parties, you know All Might isn't my uncle

**Mina: **sweet, foolish Midoriya

**Kaminari: **This is so great your mom is so hot

**Kirishima: **kaminari you aren't even with us how do you know what she looks like?

**Kaminari: **have you seen Midoriya, ofc she's hot

**Sero:** kaminari, do you think my moms hot?

**Kaminari: **the fucking hottest bro

**Sero: **awe, bro

**Hagakure: **loving the closet case side plot but can we please get back to the matter at hand

**Ojiro: **yes, due to the reveal that Midoriya's mom is in fact with All Might, we now all owe Todoroki 200 yen.

**Tokoyami:** Dark shadow can only pay in small bills.

**Shouji: **I'll cover him and you

**Kaminari: **and me as well?

**Shouji: **well considering we havent had sex the past few weeks im saying just Fumikage

**Tsu: **Congrats on the sex guys!

**Tokoyami: **thank you, Su.

**Yaoyorozu: **does this mean you're dating?

**Shouji: **we don't like labels but he has met my dad

**Tokoyami: **dark shadow is afraid of commitment but wer s.

**Mina: **can dark shadow not spell?

**Tokoyami: **he can but he chooses not to

**Sero: **icon … can I do that?

**Yaoyorozu:** no.

**Midoriya: **hey guys im super happy for you but if you dont mind can someone please explain to me why my moms here and not visiting me. I just called her and she said she was home so I'm just a little confused.

**Uraraka: **She came over to talk to Bakugo.

**Midoriya: **she does love her godson

**Sato: **how close are your families?

**Midoriya: **Kacchan and I are basically brothers!

**Bakugo: **FUCK NO

**Bakugo: **if anything were more like kids whose parents are really into each other but mine are a couple and his is his mother and I guess All Might now

**Bakugo: **I couldn't give one shit about Deku but I do respect his mom

**Uraraka: **It's clear she really cares about Bakugo if her treating us to lunch is anything to go on

**Kirishima: **and this is a really expensive restaurant too. It is weird watching All Might playing footsie but anything for some wagyu beef.

**Midoriya: **wait she took you guys to lunch? We can't afford that!

**Bakugo: **no shit idiot that's why all mights paying.

**Todoroki: **to be honest I am not thrilled that the three of you are getting face to face time with Midoriya's parents and not me.

**Kirishima: **To be honest I kind of feel like there is someone extra here third wheeling what seems like a double lunch date.

**Uraraka: **I didn't want to say anything but now that you mention it I too feel that way.

**Aoyama:** Midoriya! how tres romantique is your mother's affair. I do think that all might may now be part of the second hottest UA couple. second only to moi! because i find myself hot, non? anyways if anyone wants to get manicures i'm leaving in 12!

**Jiro: **Tokoyami and I are down

**Sero: **if I come can I be a part of the goth club?

**Tokoyami: **you still have to be gay my dude

**Sero: **ahh,, never mind. Kirishima mind if I join the group date?

**Kirishima: **who would you pair off with for the paddle boat ride?

**Midoriya: **you're going paddle boat riding? I haven't been since my twelfth birthday when Kacchan accidentally knocked me out of the boat.

**Mina: **oh, Midoriya, honey

**Sero: **is anyone missing a paddle partner?

**Bakugo: **Not really

**Sato: **what does that mean

**Uraraka:** well, Bakugo is in the boat with Deku's mom, and I went to get in the boat with Kirishima but for some reason All Might really wanted to captain a boat so instead he got us a small row boat and is standing at the helm singing sea shanties. I don't know how he knows so many.

**Ojiro: **which sea shanties?

**Kirishima: **do they have names? they all contain the same five words: sea, pirate, lass, yo and ho.

**Ojiro: **it's cool. I'll just ask him in class

**Hagakure: **why is Midoriya's mom not in a boat with All might?

**Tsu: **do you two only use the chat at the same time?

**Kaminari: **my boy gettin' TAIL

**Sato: **wouldn't he give tail?

**Ojiro:** grow up, i give and get tail. im a feminist.

**Iida: **Dear Ojiro, I am happy to hear you are a feminist. I too consider myself a feminist. However, I do ask that before discussing matters of giving or receiving tail we get confirmation from Hagakure that she is okay with this discussion. Sincerely Iida Tenya.

**Hagakure: **it's cool

**Midoriya: **I have a kind of scandy question.

**Sero: **go for it

**Mina: **i'm so excited

**Midoriya: **upon completion of intercourse at the climactic moment did you notice anything weird occur with your quirks. I once came upon a study referencing this and I was curious if either of you felt something. This is also an open question as to my knowledge you are the only two people in our class who have had sexual intercourse.

**Shouji: **I've had sex with Tokoyami and Dark Shadow gets weird.

**Kaminari: **I think you meant with tokoyami and dark shadow, it gets weird?

**Shouji: **no

**Mina: **WHat do you mean by weird.

**Shouji:** um well it depends on um as ojiro put it who gives or gets tail.

**Kaminari: **MY MAN

**Sato:** which one

**Kaminari: **it does not matter

**Sero: **do birds have tails?

**Shouji: **Fumikage does

**Kaminari: **MY MAN

**Midoriya: **Tokoyami, I have never noticed you having a tail before, how are you able to hide it so well?

**Tokoyami: **I don't have an actual tail, I believe he is talking about my caboose.

**Midoriya: **Like on a train?

**Sato: **I think they're talking about his buns

**Ojiro: **his tail end, I know we said it already but I have to say it again

**Hagakure: **His backside

**Sero: **the catcher's mound

**Uraraka: **his cheeks

**Bakugo: **HIS ASS DEKU YOU FUCKING IDIOT

**Midoriya:** like a donkey?

**Todoroki: **Midoriya, they are using crude language to talk about our classmates buttocks

**Midoriya: **Oh! Well, why didn't you say so?

**Sato: **What is crude about buns, are you saying you don't like my cooking?

**Todoroki: **I've made a huge mistake

**Kaminari: **I'm getting bored, who else in class has had sex?

**Bakugo: **not you

**Mina: **When I have sex w Tetsutetsu kinda like either one part of him gets really hard or all of him does

**Yaoyorozu: **I don't know if you're dating because that could be his first and last name but congratulations either way. I had no idea anyone was doing stuff with 1B students.

**Mina: ** oh thanks! It's kind of like an open friends with benefits right now, but hopefully we can migrate to open relationship!

**Yaoyorozu: **that's great! Congrats!

**Aoyama: **I too am in a committed relationship!

**Bakugo: **no one engage or I will personally ensure that you are unable to procreate

**Aoyama:** I'm committed to moi! I'm actually going to dinner and a movie tonight with him and I'm pretty sure it will end with le petit mort, if you know what I mean?

**Kaminari: **IS THAT DEATH?

**Yaoyorozu: **no. it's worse

**Midoriya: **what's worse than one of the not creepy classmates dying.

**Yaoyorozu:** it means orgasm

**Jiro: **I'm not sure what it is about a strong powerful woman saying the word orgasm, but I feel inspired

**Sero: **I get that

**Mina: **Ummmm is there anyway that all of the girls could come to my room?

**Uraraka: **I'm actually currently taking a mid evening romantic stroll. Is anything wrong?

**Tsu: **romantic stroll? Aren't you with Midoriya's mother and All Might?

**Kirishima: **It's more like they're taking a romantic stroll through the gardens and we're sharing a large pretzel walking behind them

**Kaminari: **Kirishima my man, make sure you bring me back a snack

**Kirishima: **that is not going to happen

**Sero:** i got u b… Sato any chance you got a pretzel recipe

**Sato: **well I do, but I'm out with some friends.

**Kaminari: **Wait, are we allowed to have friends that aren't in the class?

**Ojiro: **he never said they weren't in the class

**Kaminari: **Wait are you guys hanging out?

**Shouji: **some of us are

**Kaminari: **I was just telling everyone this morning how bored I was, you didn't think to invite me?

**Bakugo:** why don't you go make out with your boyfriend

**Kaminari: **why don't you go decide who to make out with your boyfriend or your girlfriend

**Bakugo: **EH?

**Sero: **wait who's kaminari's boyfriend

**Mina: **I'm not one to gossip but Tetsu told me that he heard from Monoma who heard from Kendo who heard from Mei who heard from Iida who heard from Koda who heard from Tokoyami who heard from Tsu who heard from Mina that Kaminari has been hanging out with Shinsou

**Kirishima: **a few notes, why didn't you just say that you heard or saw that Kaminari was hanging out with Shinsou. Also I don't think I've ever heard Koda talk? Has he ever even messaged in this group?

**Tsu: **he reads the messages

**Sero:** wait I'm confused is Kaminari dating Shinsou? Also who the heck is Shinsou?!

**Bakugo: **the creepy one with the eyes who always looks like hes breathing out of his mouth

**Uraraka: **He's the guy who desperately wants to be in the class, I think he may be responsible for Mineta's death

**Jiro: **Wait Mineta died?

**Mina: **Who?

**Todoroki: **Can we go back to the gossip chain, Iida, do you gossip?

**Iida: **Dear Todoroki, people seem to like telling me things. I suppose they feel they can trust me. I imagine it is because of my unassuming low cheekbones. I was simply having a conversation with Hatsume and I shared some information I was told, but it was not meant to be gossip. It seems I should not trust her with things like this in the future. Oh well, now I know. I do apologize if my actions have resulted in any problems between Kaminari and Sero and their budding relationship. For this was never my intention. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Kaminari: **1\. Shinsou is not my boyfriend we just hang out all the time. 2. He is not creepy nor did he murder my other purple haired friend. 3. I am str8 4. He might be joining our class so maybe don't insult him 5. Me and sero are not in a relationship, were bros u hentai watching freaks

**Sero: **wtf iida

**Bakugo: **I am not allowing anyone else in this class

**Kaminari: **I don't think you get any say

**Bakugo: **I already have to deal with all of you morons and fucking deku who gives the word moron a deeper meaning so adding a known killer to this list no way. especially not one who breathes with their mouth open

**Aoyama: **perhaps I can shed a little light on this subject, non? So you guys know how Present Mic et moi get together for weekly brunch, non? Well he was telling me that Aizawa has taken Shinsou under his wing for training but Nezu will not allow internal transfers post mortem. Because he is concerned about student mental health. C'est la vie.

**Sato: **you and present mic are friends?

**Kaminari: **wait really? i'm like actually upset shinsou can't join, he's like my best friend.

**Sero: **oh I'm sorry I must have read wrong, I thought you put that some random is your best friend but that is completely ridiculous.

**Bakugo: **actually they're called extras

**Iida: **Dear Bakugo and Sero, please do not refer to our fellow schoolmates as extras! I feel like it is far too soon to be having this discussion again. Sincerely, Iida Tenya

**Jiro: **Hey Uraraka are you still on your date with Bakugo or can you come to Mina's room ,,,, something's happened

**Uraraka: **We just got finished ice skating! You would not believe how talented Bakugo is on his feet. I'm not sure when we're getting back though, All Might wants to treat us all to hot chocolate and mochi, could you just text me?

**Midoriya: **Are you still with my mom?

**Kirishima: **I feel like I shouldn't answer bc you aren't going to like what I say

**Kirishima: **Also,,, Mina? Is everything okay

**Mina: **No yeah I'm totally fine this is about Yaomomo

**Hagakure: **we kinda wanted to keep it to the girls, but I mean, I'd be fine sharing what's happening.

**Uraraka: **Sorry I'm not there!

**Uraraka: **can you send it in the girls + aoyama chat?

**Sero: **WHAT

**Kaminari: **WHY AM I NOT A PART OF THIS

**Todoroki: **isn't the better question why Aoyama is a part

**Kaminari: **actually, I feel like that is pretty obvious, at least to me

**Ojiro: **I'd agree

**Sato: **the man's not wrong

**Todoroki: **yeah okay

* * *

**5:48 PM**

**GIRLS GROUPCHAT**

**OnlyLikesMalesw/Tails:** how's ur date?

**QueenExplosionMurder: **so what's going on?

**QueenExplosionMurder: **also not to brag but it's going pretty great. Turns out I am a much better ice skater than Kirishima, which may or may not have been a ploy to get Bakugo to help him, but after he fell for the nineteenth time, All Might stepped in and then taught him how to skate for the rest of the hour. It gave me plenty of time to spend time with Bakugo which was AMAZING

**Jiroiscoolanddoesntneednoman: **I do not get what is going on with you three at all, but good for you girl!

**QueenExplosionMurder: **Thanks! Anyways what is happening and can I tell Bakugo and Kirishima, they're kind of looking over my shoulders

**Froggy^u^: **Wait, so they saw your last message? And your nickname?

**QueenExplosionMurder: **I'm confident in who I am

**Froggy^u^: **honestly mood

**Mom(o)Friend:** they can know because i know for a fact it's not them. Basically we found a love letter to me and we don't know which boy sent it

**QueenExplosionMurder:** Bakugo wanted to know if we were sure it was a boy who wrote it

**Jiroissocoolanddoesntneednoman: **what girl would write that?

**HonoraryMember(whohasamember): **Kendo from class 1-B!

**Tetsugetstosmash: **according to tetsu she's bi…

**Jiroissocoolanddoesntneednoman:** I stand corrected

**QueenExplosionMurder: **that's not who he said, but I could see that

**Tetsugetstosmash: **I don't think it's a girl, the handwriting is too manly

**HonoraryMember(whohasamember): **my handwriting is tres feminine, i dot my eyes with roses

**Jiroissocoolanddoesntneednoman:** I don't know if we should judge people on their handwriting

**Froggy^u^: **You know who I think it is

**Froggy^u^: **Midoriya

**QueenExplosionMurder: **"that gay loser?" - Bakugo Katsuki

**Tetsugetstosmash:** he has a point, i don't want to sound rude but maybe we should eliminate every guy who's gay or in a relationship?

**QueenExplosionMurder: **okay so that means theres Sero /supposedly single and not gay/ Kaminari /also supposedly single and not gay/ Sato, koda, Todoroki /who knows/ Iida, Kirishima /bi and single/ and Bakugo but I have verbal confirmation it is not Kirishima or Bakugo (not that I thought it was, we kind of have something going on)

**Froggy^u^: **They're still with you, right?

**Mom(o)Friend: **Okay so its not Kaminari or Sero, they don't write as beautifully as the person did in the love note. That leaves Sato, Koda, Todoroki and Iida

**OnlyLikesMalesw/Tails: **but what if they're not 1A and or male?

**Tetsugetstosmash: **Nah I found it in the dorms and no one can gain access to our floors without one of us with them so if it's not a classmate someone had to have pulled off a pretty elaborate heist

**Jiroissocoolanddoesntneednoman: **I'm pretty sure Koda isn't interested in anyone romantically, and Sato seems like he has a lot going on

**QueenExplosionMurder: **So that leaves Iida and Todoroki… as the person who probably knows them best, I can honestly say I have no idea which one of them it is

**HonorableMember(whohasamember): **who wants to go on an elaborate heist avec moi and find pieces of paper so we can compare signatures

**Mom(o)Friend: **I've seen Iida's handwriting several times, and this isn't it

**OnlyLikesMalesw/Tails: **SO IT'S TODOROKI THIS IS SO EXCITING!

**Tetsugetstosmash: **Momo you HAVE to confront him and then be like if you like me so much you should like me in the mens bathroom stall

**Froggy^u^: **does that work for you?

**Tetsugetstosmash: **It worked for Tetsu

**QueenExplosionMurder: **"nice," - kirishima

**Jiroissocoolanddoesntneednoman: **do you like him?

**Mom(o)Friend: **I've never really thought about it before. I suppose if it had to be any of the guys in our class I'm glad it is him.

**OnlyLikesMalesw/Tails: **so, should we switch back to the main gc and confront him

**QueenExplosionMurder: **Bakugo said the gc is getting weird without us so maybe we should

* * *

**5:48 PM**

**Kaminari: **so should we have a group without the girls?

**Kaminari: **and does aoyama get to be in it?

**Sero: **what would we send in it? It's not like we haven't all seen your nudes

**Kaminari: **you leak your own dick pic one time

**Sato: **I've never seen your dick kaminari and before you ask I am okay

**Kirishima: **not to pull the bi card but you are really missing out man

**Kaminari: **thanks bro

**Bakugo: **I hate that I'm in this gc so I do not want to be in another one

**Bakugo: **also round face is reading along on my phone so she is still here technically I guess

**Midoriya: **Uraraka! Is everything okay with Yaoyorozu

**Kirishima: **she's fine, Bakugo and I are also reading along on Uraraka's phone

**Sero: **SO CAN YOU SPILL THE TEA

**Bakugo: **"no" - round face

**Sero: **cool cool cool no doubt no doubt

**Todoroki: **so should we keep messaging in here without the girls, do we have anything to discuss while they're gone?

**Ojiro: **anyone have any crushes?

**Sero: **u first

**Ojiro: **well that's a tough one but probably Tooru

**Shouji: **dark shadow

**Tokoyami: **babe! im gonna fucking kill you

**Kaminari: **new game! Let's all rate the girls in order of hotness

**Bakugo: **what are you, the new mineta?

**Kaminari: **ahh my Bakubro thank you for volunteering to go first

**Bakugo: **1\. Me 2. Round Face and Kirishima 4-18. Extras 19. Deku

**Sero: **What number am I?

**Kirishima: **Honestly I would be mad that I'm tied for second but I can't argue with his logic

**Kaminari: **Bakugo I SAID GIRLS NOT guysss come on this is a once in a lifetime situation no girls are present. Basically by your answer, you're saying Uraraka is number one are you okay with that?

**Bakugo: **"BACK THE FUCK OFF KAMINARI" - round face

**Midoriya: **she's still in the gc why didn't she just type it?

**Kirishima: **"fuck off" - uraraka

**Sato:** so what im hearing is boys chat? Sans bakugo depending

**Sero: **but that brings us back to the aoyama problem

**Tokoyami: **let him speak.

**Aoyama: **why would I want to be in a gc with just guys?

**Ojiro: **aren't you gay? why would you want to be in a gc with all girls?

**Aoyama:** who said i was gay.

**Sato: **you're dating yourself?

**Aoyama: **autosexual and gay are different hon hon

**Mina: **we're back bitches

**Uraraka: **haha yeah back

**Yaoyorozu: **So, Todoroki, would you mind coming to meet me in the lounge?

**Kaminari: **Where in the lounge?

**Yaoyorozu: **Are you Todoroki?

**Kaminari:** god i wish

**Sero: **he's only asking bc we're hanging on the couch

**Mina: **^cuddling

**Sero:** if this is just cuddling why am i hard

**Kirishima: **Im always hard

**Kaminari:** to clarify were sitting at least a full foot apart, neither of us aroused, both heterosexual

**Mina: **^homosexual

**Todoroki: **Yaoyorozu, I'm actually not on campus right now? Could you just text me, or I should be back within the hour if you want to wait

**Hagakure: **she found your note and now the two of you are going to date

**Kirishima: **note? What note? I have no knowledge of a note

**Tsu: **Todoroki wrote Yaoyorozu a love note, and Kirishima I know you know, but I'm telling everyone else

**Midoriya:** what's happening?

**Kaminari: **BOLD also how dare you not tell me that Kirishima

**Kirishima: **bro i love you but when a non aoyama guy gets a chance to read the girls gc over someone's shoulder you don't breach that trust

**Jiro: **plus mina would have killed him

**Mina:** that's tru

**Kaminari:** alright ill admit im a bit threatened damn

**Aoyama:** this is why i like the girls chat, most men in this chat are far too boring for me, someone tell me about a scandal or their sex life.

**Shouji: **Tokoyami is getting us a motel soon.

**Aoyama: **I meant one of the interesting people

**Tokoyami: **does anyone care if a second classmate gets murdered?

**Iida: **Dear Tokoyami, I infact do care if another classmate dies, please refrain from murdering Aoyama. I am unsure if class 1-A will manage to remain together if the professors believe we are being killed off one by one a la horror movie style. Unless of course the situation should arise where this is indeed like a horror movie and I am to become the final girl. Sincerely Iida Tenya.

**Mina:** he would be the final girl

**Jiro: **false it would be me

**Kaminari: **It would be Bakugo, they have to be a virgin

**Bakugo: **ILL KILL YOU

**Midoriya: **Todoroki, I had no clue you were interested in Yaoyorozu, but it makes total sense, she is the only one of our female classmates who is as strong and noble as you

**Uraraka: **WOAH ok rude

**Hagakure: **no offense to Yaoyorozu but Midoriya I find that comment very rude!

**Mina: **^

**Midoriya: **IM SORRY! :C I didn't mean to offend anyone

**Mina: **we know, we're just making you feel bad bc your comment could've been offensive

**Todoroki: **I do respect Yaoyorozu, just as I respect every girl in our class

**Tsu: **That's the way to do it

**Yaoyorozu: **so, anyways Todoroki, would you like to get lunch with me tomorrow?

**Todoroki: **That would please me

**Jiro: **I'm so glad this is happening

**Midoriya: **Yeah, same, totally

**Kaminari: **so does this mean that only Tsu Jiro and Uraraka are single?

**Kirishima: **not Uraraka

**Mina: **?

**Uraraka: **Eijiro and I have decided to officially become boyfriend and girlfriend!

**Bakugo: **EH?


	5. stealth

**11:45 AM**

**Kaminari: **so are we going to address the elephant in the group chat

**Sero: **I don't think anyone bet on Uraraka and Kirishima getting together, if anything we should all lose money right?

**Tsu: **Maybe we should give them the money for a date night?

**Todoroki: **or we could give it to Bakugo for some retail therapy as he obviously doesn't believe in regular therapy

**Bakugo: **what are all of your fucking problems? So fucking what if round face and shitty hair decided to date that doesn't fucking bother me at all fuck you guys for thinking so

**Kaminari: **I don't think I've ever seen him use the word fuck so many times in one message

**Midoriya:** you should have listened to his podcast this week

**Sato: **I thought bringing Kirishima and Uraraka on as guests was an odd choice, but you have to admire his tenacity

**Kaminari: **BAKUGO HAS A PODCAST?

**Sero: **IS IT ON THE PODCAST APP?

**Ojiro: **you guys don't get his weekly newsletter?

**Tsu: **or his email promotions?

**Bakugo: **it's not that I was excluding them, more that I have absolutely zero desire to share anything about my life with them

**Kaminari: **DOES THAT MEAN U HATE US MORE THAN FUCKING MIDORIYA we're lovable you bastard

**Midoriya: **actually, he sends the newsletter as well as cd versions of the podcast to my mother and we share them during our weekly phone call

**Jiro: **does anyone want to sit with me at lunch and spy on Yaoyorozu and Todoroki?

**Midoriya: **I don't have lunch plans!

**Bakugo: **not surprised, loser

**Hagakure: **Ojiro and I are also free

**Ojiro: **Tooru is exceptionally good at spying

**Hagakure: **thanks bb

**Uraraka: **I totally would but I also have a lunch date

**Kirishima: **I totally would but I also have a lunch date

**Kirishima: **JINX

**Uraraka: **JINX

**Kirishima: **DOUBLE JINX

**Uraraka: **DOUBLE JINX

**Kirishima:** YOU OWE ME A SODA

**Uraraka: **YOU OWE ME A SODA

**Kaminari: **same, me and shinsou are gonna go grocery shopping with Aizawa, i know it sounds boring but it's more fun than it seems

**Sero:** so ive heard…

**Iida:** Dear Jiro, I must say that we are not supposed to spy on our classmates while they are on dates. However, I too do not have lunch plans, so if you were planning on finding a group table, I would be interested in joining. Not to spy, but to enjoy my lunch. If I happen to glance at Yaoyorozu and Todoroki, that is simply God's will. Sincerely, Iida Tenya

**Kaminari:** to clarify earlier i meant im busy not on a date i love shinsou but best friend love not relationship girly love date thing

**Mina: **I'm pretty sure you're going on a date but not even a fun date, you're going to be chaperoned, like those really religious people who can't hold hands unless it's through gloves

**Tsu: **I don't think that's a real thing

**Mina: **still, I'm just saying his date sounds sad

**Sero: **does this mean its just going to be me and Bakugo at lunch today? I don't mind but I don't think he wants me to practice my improv with him

**Kirishima: **nah, Ochako and I will be sitting at our usual table

**Sero: **anyone wanna make plans for lunch anyone at all, ill pay

**Sato: **sorry bruh, Koda and I are eating outside today with Tokoyami and Shouji, unless you wanna join, but we've kinda got barbershop quartet practice and there's already four of us.

**Tsu: **I totally would, but I'm still mad about the green hair remark

**Sero: **I SAID SORRY

**Tsu: **snake

**Sero: **it's fine i'll just be the lone funny man in an intense drama of jealousy and betrayed trust

**Jiro: **you could prob sit w Mineta

**Jiro: **no wait, he's dead srry

**Kaminari: **who's mineta?

**Kaminari: ** i have a new purple friend so im over it

**Mina: **if shinsou is what mineta was, how much sex were you and mineta having?

**Kaminari: **wouldn't work my dick is thrice the size of his body

**Sero: **no its not

**Bakugo: **you would know

**Todoroki: **could you guys stop looking at Yaoyorozu and I so pointedly, please

**Bakugo: **I would've thought you like attention, what with dying your hair that way and the colored contact

**Midoriya: **I don't think anyone dyes their hair anymore.

**Uraraka: **Eijiro does! I had to condition his hair with a special conditioner last night

**Sero: **OK SO GUYS I THINK WE NEED TO LEAVE THERE IS A TINY FIRE LIKE BAKUBROS HANDS ARE LIKE FUCKING SPARKING AND THIS WHOLE SCHOOL IS GOING DOWN. NEZU DOESN'T USE THE BUDGET ON ANTI FLAMMATORY LUNCH TRAYS ASDJVV

**Hagakure: **tell him to chill, we're still spying

**Sero: **I don't think I can just say oh hey bakugo why don't you just not watch Uraraka eating food off of Kirishima's chopsticks and chill out man. I'm not Kaminari, I don't handle electrocution well

**Bakugo: **fuck off soy sauce

**Aoyama: **Sero, mon amie, come sit avec moi!

**Sero: **huh, I guess I forgot about you

**Kirishima: **you don't have to leave, Ochako and I were just trying to see whether or not my leftovers still tasted as good the second day

**Uraraka: **turns out it is just as good!

**Yaoyorozu: **Why are you now feeding Bakugo off of the chopsticks?

**Uraraka:** HES BAD AT IT

**Jiro: **shouldn't you be paying attention to your own date?

**Uraraka: **yes, but I mean it's Bakugo

**Kaminari:** not that I don't care about this melodrama but is my boi sitting w the french kid

**Sato:** he's not french

**Sero: **still with the bakusquad

**Bakugo:** the fucking what

**Sero: **sorry, the bakusquad and Uraraka

**Kirishima: **Ochako is my woman now and that means she is a part of me, so she too is a part of the Bakusquad now

**Yaoyorozu: **I'm still confused, why has Aoyama joined your table?

**Sero: **He was lonely and he had macaroons.

**Sato: **valid reasoning

**Jiro: **Yaomomo, how's the date going?

**Todoroki: **can you not tell from behind your softball caps and the sunglasses?

**Kaminari: **oh come on, you all got hats?!

**Tokoyami: **No one show him the uniforms

**Kaminari: **now you're just being mean

**Mina: **how does your boyfriend feel about you texting this much?

**Tokoyami: **I think he's okay with it, aren't you Mezo?

**Shouji: **its cool

**Mina: **sorry guys I meant shinsou, but I'm glad you're so established in your relationship

**Kaminari: **for the umpteenth time mina i am a heterosexual straight woman-loving man who has nothing but n o homo bro love for the guy with the coolest quirk and best sense of humor (besides me) in this school. OKAY?

**Kirishima: **thanks man

**Kirishima: **I can't say I feel exactly the same, but I appreciate your quirk and sense of humor too

**Midoriya: **have any of you ever objected at a wedding? Just asking for a friend

**Hagakure: **who's getting married?

**Midoriya: **oh, no one right now, it's more like a question for the future

**Sero: **DID ALL MIGHT PROPOSE TO YOUR MOM?

**Mina: **oH MY GOD HE TOTALLY DID

**Bakugo: **she would've texted me

**Uraraka: **if anything he would've proposed Saturday , it was absolutely beautiful when we went to the beach at sunset. That's when Eijiro asked me to go steady

**Ojiro:** is it 1948? Going steady? Kirishima is bringing back chivalry, meanwhile i asked out Tooru at my dojo

**Mina: **wait were you not wearing shoes?

**Ojiro: **I don't know how to answer that, which one would be better

**Mina: **OBVIOUSLY WEARING SHOES OJIRO

**Hagakure:** mina he is extremely lucky i said yes, not many people say yes to a man with a white robe and a red belt

**Shouji: **wait, red belt?

**Sero: **you told us you were a black belt

**Ojiro: ** I am in karate, kickboxing, boxing and wrestling just not jiujitsu

**Sato: **I feel betrayed

**Kaminari: **so karate boy aint even good at karate

**Kaminari: **who else has been lying to us?

**Jiro: **maybe Mineta isn't even dead

**Mina: **I think he's dead, Todoroki said it was open casket

**Mina: **speaking of Todoroki,, hows the date?

**Yaoyorozu: **it's going nicely, we're discussing our childhoods and growing up with parental expectations

**Midoriya: **huh, I never really thought about it but you two really do have a lot in common

**Jiro: **yeah I guess

**Kaminari: **does anyone have eyes on the other date

**Sero: **it's getting weird

**Tsu: **weirder than Uraraka feeding Bakugo?

**Sero: **For starters, Aoyama is now being fed

**Bakugo: **ur the one feeding him

**Mina: **SERO? WHY?

**Sero:** Kaminari is gone, sue me, i like being needed

**Hagakure: **sorry Sero, please continue

**Sero: **from my angle it looks like Bakugo has shiny tears rolling down his cheeks while Kirishima and Uraraka appear to be arguing over whether or not they should wipe them away, or even acknowledge the tears at all.

**Kirishima: **that's not completely correct

**Bakugo: **I'm not crying, if anything its from boredom at the flirting you and Aoyama are doing

**Kaminari: **I'm sorry,, flirting? Sero,, flirting? with Aoyama, it just doesn't make any sense to me

**Uraraka: **I don't know what else to call it. Their speaking in french, so who knows, but like Aoyama looks smitten, so i imagine Aoyama is also jealous

**Mina: **sero speaks french?

**Sato: **I knew he did but I don't think Aoyama does

**Kaminari: **Then its def flirting, all of Sero's french is sexual

**Jiro: **dare I ask how you know this

**Kaminari: **we watch french porn sometimes, you learn things

**Jiro: **dare i ask why you watch porn together

**Kaminari:** well we wanted to be sophisticated and watch french cinema but its just so boring

**Ojiro: **I'm glad it's the french you're learning and not other things

**Sero: **what else would we be learning?

**Kaminari: **Shinsou said that it sounds like we jerk off together which is stupid, i abandoned him in the dairy aisle, Aizawa doesn't understand cottage cheese, it's a weird day

**Tokoyami: **I feel like its almost worse that you aren't jerking one out together, if anything that I could understand

**Kaminari: **were not gay

**Tokoyami: **sure, and Dark Shadow isn't afraid of butterflies

**Shouji: **WILL YOU STOP BRINGING UP THE DATE AT THE BUTTERFLY GARDEN how many times can a man apologize for making his boyfriends' quirk cry in public?

**Sero: **I doubt any of you are looking over here but Kirishima and Bakugo are definitely about to take their shirts off

**Mina: **EXPLAIN

**Aoyama: **this is the fault of moi i mentioned that in france for one of our many flower festivals the way to woo a prospective mate is to offer the shirt off their back. I must confess I did make this up so I could try to see Sero shirtless and see if it would be better to remain in my relationship with myself. It seems he is uninterested, I am not hurt, I will be fine but if the girl chat could check up on me I am a flight risk. I get ahead of myself, Uraraka said the festival sounded tres romantique and long story shirt all three of them have removed an article of clothing, luckily uraraka was wearing layers, the other well Qu'est-que ce im swooning.

**Sero: **I never said I wasn't interested

**Mina: **URARAKA!

**Mina: **WHAT DID YOU TAKE OFF

**Uraraka: **Just my uniform top, I have a tank top on, obvi, and I thought the guys did too, but it seems they peeled the tops off instead of unzipping so it all just came off

**Kaminari:** hey yo Sero what the fuck do you mean, you're straight. Dude, don't do that to aoyama hes a flight risk.

**Sero: **Idk Kirishima was talking about how cool it is being bi and I'm oddly enjoying Aoyamas company and hey arent we supposed to experiment in school

**Kaminari: **in college, dude what the fuck, are you actually saying out of everyone including me that fucking aoyama is the one who made you question your sexuality what the fuck

**Sero: **he's actually really cool dude, idk man, and like idk his french is sick as hell, idk it's embarrassing dude im like maybe sort of halfway maybe sort of bicurious or whatever

**Kaminari: **Hey iida i know what you said earlier but could you please remove me from this gc

**Iida: **Dear Kaminari, I, unfortunately, will not be removing anyone, but if you were to explain why you wanted me to remove you I may be able to make an exception. Sincerely, Iida Tenya

**Mina: **so Tetsu said monoma said kendou said shinsou said kaminari is throwing a bit of a fit and he did just purposely break his phone. So uh

**Tsu: **I think Kaminari is mad in the same way that Bakugo was mad earlier.

**Sero: **but Bakugo was mad bc he's jelly of Kirishima and Uraraka's relationship, or of one of them. I can never tell. Surely it isn't the same for Kaminari. I think he's either homophobic or mad cause i said no homo, and it's like no homo him but im a lil homo, maybe, idk i am having an identity crisis

**Kaminari: **Excty ero et it i ont ie ir

**Mina: **so can anyone decode this message? According to Tetsu the middle row is broken so he can't type asdfghjkl

**Midoriya: **the second word is probably hero bc that's why we're all here

**Tsu: **it could be kero, maybe he's talking about me!

**Bakugo: **it's obviously exactly geraldo set lit silk font die deku

**Jiro: **that doesn't fit

**Jiro: **but I think you got the first word right so exactly what

**Sero: **not to be vain but could the second word be sero?

**Sato:** no no Bakugou was definitely onto it with Geraldo

**Tokoyami: **okay so exactly sero, what about exactly sero death

**Kaminari: **uy eriouy rop it ti i pero

**Ojiro: **we'll get to the second message once we solve the first one. Okay so Exactly Sero death, now what about it is as the next two words, and then "ont ie ir"

**Uraraka: **exactly. Sero death it is. Won't die girl

**Hagakure: **so is he calling sero a girl for not dying?

**Kaminari: **n o

**Ojiro:** that was clearly nod

**Yaoyorozu: **I think he was trying to say exactly sero gets it I don't like liars

**Shouji: **I don't think so

**Tsu: **what about the second message?

**Bakugo: **guy seriously frop git till i perish deku

**Midoriya: **big words coming from the guy who is still shirtless

**Uraraka: **Deku! Stop complaining! I think it is an excellent contender

**Kirishima: **Ochako, you know he didn't write the correct translation, right

**Uraraka: **Of course, Eijiro, but he's hurting and he needs us

**Bakugo: **EH?

**Mina: **ok heres my guess "buy herisholudy adrop lit tlli si persondad"

**Shouji: **half of those weren't words

**Mina: **i know him.

**Todoroki: **Kaminari, I think you should just come back and grab one of your spare phones

**Hagakure: **spare phones?

**Ojiro: **he short circuits his phone at least twice a month so his parents get a family plan

**Kaminari: **im oo

**Bakugo: **we know ur a fool

**Uraraka: **That one works perfectly! Great job!

**Ojiro: **should we really be praising Bakugo for calling Kaminari a fool

**Uraraka: **he didn't even threaten deku this time, I call that a win

**Ojiro: **oh, well in that case, woo go bakugo

**Kaminari: **uc ou

**Ojiro:** wow kaminari, what the hell did i do, i'm not the one cheating on you.

**Sero: **are you talking about me? Bc sure I copied someone else's homework but I never copy Kaminari's I do have standards

**Mina: **that's definitely not what we're talking about

**Kaminari: **ii et me eve te ct

**Mina:** it's like reading hieroglyphics

**Kaminari:** min you're bitc

**Mina: **i'm shocked he would speak so ill on Mineta like that, I mean sure we all didn't like him but for his self proclaimed best bro, wow I guess we're really seeing Kaminari's true colors

**Hagakure:** i genuinely have forgotten what's going on, and no i will not scroll up

**Tokoyami: **essentially, bakugou and kirishima are shirtless, Jiro and midoriya don't understand how heterosexual dating work, todoroki and yaoyorozu are radio silent, Kaminari is out with Shouto but he's kinda got a thing going with Sero, and he's jealous now of Aoyama who is sero's new french boyfriend, Sato has been trying to punch down a tree for twenty minutes because I said he couldn't do it without sugar, and me and shouji have a bet going as to if kaminari is going to kill aoyama

**Sato: **can I get in on that action?

**Shouji: **who do you vote for?

**Sato: **I think Kaminari can take down Aoyama, easily

**Aoyama: **How do you guys think I got into UA, with my charming personality and wit? I could gut kaminari before he could say sacre bleu

**Jiro: **I don't think he has the right keys to type sacre bleu rn

**Yaoyorozu: **I do feel bad for the boys, as the drama is definitely focused on them, but I am glad for it to be off of Todoroki and I at least for a little bit

**Tsu:** aren't you on a date right now there's prob drama

**Midoriya: **I doubt it, if anyone were to know what is going on around them, it would be Todoroki

**Bakugo:** half and half is the most oblivious guy here deku.

**Mina:** there are so many layers of irony

**Kirishima: **GUYS, CAN ANYONE DO ME A FAVOR?

**Jiro: **depends what you need

**Kirishima: **can someone hang out with Ochako while I go pick Kaminari up and deliver him a new phone after class?

**Hagakure: **can Uraraka not hang out with herself?

**Uraraka:** no! I'm bored and require companionship.

**Tokoyami: **why don't you just go with Kirishima?

**Uraraka: **I'm not going to waste money on a bus ticket plus, Kaminari will need some boy time to calm down and it's just easier if I'm not there

**Bakugo: **I'm free

**Midoriya: **really? In that case would you and Uraraka be interested in going to the arcade later with Iidachan and myself?

**Bakugo:** fuck no

**Midoriya: **but then what would you do with Uraraka for an hour?

**Bakugo: **nothing your asinine mind could ever possibly think of

**Midoriya:** iida what does asinine mean.

**Iida: **Dear Midoriya, While I'm not a dictionary, I will answer this, however in future please google these things, especially considering I am sitting next to you. Asinine means someone who is extremely stupid, or foolish. Now, I am not calling you these words, and I am not in favor nor responsible for Bakugo calling you names. I hope this helps, but I am sure that it will only succeed in making you feel bad. Sincerely, Iida Tenya

**Todoroki: **If you need a third, I am available for the arcade

**Midoriya: **you're not hanging out with Yaoyorozu?

**Jiro: **^?

**Todoroki: ** why would you assume I'm hanging out with her? Did I tell you I was, I apologize if so, Midoriya.

**Midoriya: **no you're all good though, but uh me and Iida talked about it and we decided we haven't hung out one on one in a while so we're gonna go just the two of us, sorry, Todoroki!

**Kirishima: **damn i was looking forward to skeeball

**Jiro: **I will be hosting a girls night, for anyone who is interested

**Sero: **anyone who is interested?

**Jiro: ** yes, of course aoyama is invited.

**Hagakure: **in that case, Sero it's probably best you don't come bc we are definitely going to talk about you

**Sero: **but nothing happened with Aoyama!

**Sero: **I told him I was going to go to the Core Four concierto and invited him to sit with me, but he could not seem any less interested

**Mina: **what is the core four concierto?

**Sero: **its Koda, Sato, Tokoyami and Shouji's barbershop quartet singing group's recital. They're performing tonight. Boys support boys.

**Sato:** thanks man

**Tsu: **I'm also attending!

**Sero: **frogs support boys

**Tokoyami: **frogs birds whatever koda is, we're all just boys supporting each other

**Sato: **he is kind of like a rock man. A rock with a heart of gold.

**Sero:** goals.

**Uraraka: **Eijiro, if you get back in time, and if Kaminari is okay and doesn't need your support, we should go to the concert!

**Kirishima: **are you still going to go even if Kaminari needs me?

**Uraraka: **I think Bakugo and I may stop by

**Jiro: **can we get back to what is really important, whether or not Yaoyorozu and Todoroki are still together following their lunch date

**Yaoyorozu: **We had a wonderful lunch, but have parted ways so we could go train. I believe he is now with Midoriya.

**Mina: **I can't say I'm surprised

**Ojiro: **so I guess I'll just say it. I am a little upset I wasn't included in the barbershop quartet

**Sato: **sorry man, we wanted to include you but a quartet is only four and as we are typically a group of five, we had to make a judgement call and you've been really busy with pining after Hagakure

**Hagakure: **I've never been pined after before. Gotta say, I love the feeling

**Kaminari: **when did this group come together? Do yall have a nickname?

**Mina: **Kaminari! You're you again!

**Kaminari: **yeah and you all suck at guessing what I was typing. Also, Uraraka, I will be borrowing Kirishima tonight, we're gonna work out at the gym

**Uraraka: **that's cool! I hope you and Eijiro have a great time!

**Tokoyami: **what do you mean by nickname?

**Iida: **Dear Tokoyami, according to Sero and Kaminari, the friend group that follows around Bakugo is called the Bakusquad. They also have been known to call Midoriya and his friends the dekusquad. So based on this, I believe that these are the kinds of nicknames that Kaminari is referring to. Hope this helps. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Shoji: **can we be the Core Four? That's what our group chat is called

**Ojiro: **but what about when I'm in the crew? WAit a group chat? You guys chat without me?

**Shoji:** I totally blew it guys i feel like sero during the softball incident

**Kaminari: ** **Ojiro**, if you want I'm making a gc for people who have been betrayed by things in this group. So far it's just me and Su. Bakugo is a maybe

**Mina: **why is Tsu in the group?

**Tsu: **ask Sero

**Sero: **I SAID I WAS SORRY

**Kaminari: **and by saying Bakugo is a maybe he has not yet been invited, but I'm like 99% sure he'll be a maybe

**Bakugo: **it's a no

**Kaminari: **that's cool that's cool

**Ojiro:** im in if it's any consolation

**Kaminari: **it's really not but thanks

**Sero:** guys guys holy shit has aoyama ever told you the story of how he discovered his quirk it is hilarious

**Kaminari: **literally no one cares about that losers quirk

**Midoriya: **i'm actually interested in aoyama's story kaminari I love hearing quirk discovery story's until i got my quirk they were my favorite thing

**Kaminari: **dammit now I'm interested. Fine, share your story, Aoyama

**Aoyama: ** au mon dieu how exquisite to have all the attention on me however it is tres personal and I'll only tell sero and the girls chat mon apologies maybe if you all gave me attention more you'd know more about me ;) also sero, thank you for finding me funny, you are quite the gentleman

**Kaminari:** kirishima and I are gonna go to an arcade no one need me for a few hours

**Sero: **but bro I always need you

**Kaminari: **bruh?

**Sero: **bros 4 lyfe

**Kaminari: **bros 4 eva

**Mina: **I never cry, but after a day like this, I really needed this

**Todoroki: **does anyone else just feel like they've had a strange day?

**Jiro: **yeah I'd say so

**Uraraka: **I suppose

**Shouji: **I think it's the nerves, but I'd agree

**Midoriya: **I think maybe we're all just having an off day and tomorrow will be much better for everyone!

**Iida: **Dear Classmates, I must agree with Midoriya, and I do believe that the Core Four's concert is starting soon. I think in respect to our classmates performing we should stop messaging in the gc so they won't miss any hijinks or what have you. Sincerely, Iida Tenya


	6. realization

**2:59 PM **

**Kaminari: **do you guys think I should drop out of school and join a jpop group?

**Jiro: **can you even speak japanese?

**Kaminari: **what do you think we're typing?

**Jiro: **I stand by my original comment

**Kirishima:** bro kpop guys are hotter

**Kaminari: **I can't change my ethnicity

**Sato: **Aoyama did, considering he's not actually french

**Aoyama: **He's never seen my birth certificate

**Sero:** bro i love you but you don't put your ethnicity on your birth certificate, you'd have to do 23 and me

**Tokoyami: **that's how we found out Dark Shadow's part Pennsylvania Dutch

**Kaminari: **can he make me one of those outdoor fire places

**Tokoyami: **he charges commission

**Mina:** sometimes I genuinely can't tell when you're joking about him(?)

**Tokoyami: **only goths and my bf get to understand my complex sense of humor

**Jiro: **fuck yeah dude

**Sero:** gcbisexuals how do you know if you're bi, or just experimenting

**Jiro: **well the attraction to the same gender is typically a hint

**Sero: **okay well let me give you a scenario, so say I'm in a conversation with Best Jeanist and he leans in and tries to kiss me. I pull away, obviously, but say he's persistent, and aggressively grabs my face in order to let us kiss a little. I don't think I would push him away right away, maybe I'd let him get a few pecks in. No tongue, of course, but I mean, I don't know. Does this mean I'm bi?

**Kirishima:** let me get this straight you would resist a kiss from the second hottest dude on earth? Seems bi to me

**Yaoyorozu: **Sero, you don't need to label yourself it's perfectly fine to be questioning

**Uraraka: **Yaoyorozu is right! Take Eijiro for example, he knew he was bi, but was always more in favor of liking guys, but now we're in a very happy relationship. Just go with the flow and life finds a way

**Ojiro: **not to be that guy, but are you very happy? Kirishima just said best jeanist was the second hottest guy on earth and I have to wonder who the first hottest is.

**Ojiro: **could it possibly be a classmate of ours?

**Sero:** it's definitely me

**Kaminari: **it's definitely me

**Sero: **jinx man! You owe me a soda

**Hagakure: **I think he was talking about Ojiro!

**Mina: **oh, sweety, he wasn't

**Midoriya: **it is obvious he was talking about Todoroki!

**Todoroki: **he was?

**Midoriya: **of course! There is no one else with such unique and startling features. Obviously Kirishima is a fan of colored hair, so it would make sense for him to find you handsome

**Todoroki:** I thought he was talking about you?

**Midoriya: **why would you think that?

**Bakugo: **no one finds deku's looks appealing, it's a face not even a mother could love

**Todoroki: **well, contrary to what Bakugo believes, I think Kirishima would find Midoriya attractive because of his ambition and strong leadership qualities, he's a good ally to have

**Kaminari: **doesn't make him hot. Me, however, I'm smoking

**Jiro: **do you smoke when you electrocute yourself?

**Kaminari: **no

**Sero:** yes

**Uraraka: **Bakugo smokes when he releases his explosions!

**Ojiro: **odd, Uraraka, that you would mention Bakugo, does that mean you find him attractive?

**Uraraka: **doesn't everyone?

**Kirishima: **^ Ochako gets me

**Jiro: **to answer Uraraka, I'm going to say no I do not find Bakugo attractive

**Sero: **I may be in a questioning stage, but the answer to that question is negative

**Hagakure: **I pretty much only find Ojiro attractive

**Ojiro: **same

**Sato: **mood but if you replace ojiro with flan

**Tsu: **I'm into women

**Ojiro: **WAIT I MEANT SAME BUT LIKE WITH TOORU

**Hagakure: **too late, I'm over you

**Hagakure: **but I still don't find Bakugo attractive

**Iida:** Dear Classmates, I believe the best way to do this would be everyone who finds Bakugou unattractive to state it. As a heterosexual male I am not attracted to Bakugou. But to be fair to Bakugo, I am also not attracted to any men. I hope this helps ease your anger at my words. Sincerely, Iida Tenya

**Shoji: **i have a bf so like nooo

**Sato:** Koda does not find bakugo attractive

**Bakugo: **all right extras fuck each and every one of you. I know I'm hot, I don't need anyone saying that they find me attractive because I could not give a single fuck about any of your opinions

**Kaminari: **sure, you say that now but wait until it's awards season, then you'll care about my opinion

**Jiro: **you got every guess wrong for the oscars pool

**Kirishima:** He just writes All Might for every category

**Kaminari: **It's not my fault he has movie star good looks

**Bakugo: **well at least we know pikachu's gay

**Kaminari: **If it's gay to respect another man's good looks then I am as gay as they come

**Bakugo: **it is and you are

**Aoyama: **Je suis supreme happy to see Kaminari being outed in this way! As he is my competition

**Midoriya: **as the other person outed by Kacchan, I would like to offer you an invitation to my support group, Kaminari

**Kaminari: **guys,, you do realize I'm not gay right?

**Mina: **Kaminari it's okay, we're all your friends here you can tell us the truth

**Bakugo: **we're not friends

**Kaminari: **I'm not gay

**Jiro: **homophobe

**Kaminari: **I have nothing against gay people I am just not one of them

**Kirishima: **that's fine,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, so you're bisexual right?

**Tsu: **maybe he's pansexual I could see that

**Sero: **wait, is pansexual like what Sato is?

**Midoriya: **I don't believe so

**Sato: **being pansexual has nothing to do with food despite the word pan in the title

**Mina: **isn't pansexual when you like people regardless of gender like it's not really a factor?

**Uraraka: **I think so! tbh that seems like kaminari to me

**Kaminari: **I like women

**Ojiro: **and sero, and shinsou and possibly midoriya?

**Todoroki: **WHAT?

**Ojiro: **I know right, Shinsou gives me the creeps

**Shoji: **he did say that he knew deku's mom would be hot because he's hot so if that's not attraction I don't know what is

**Midoriya: **Kamichan I am flattered you feel this way, but I unfortunately like someone else right now and I don't want to lead you on

**Mina: **Oh? You like someone Midoriya,, who is it?

**Hagakure: **yes Midoriya, tell us who you like?

**Sero: **can we get back to Kaminari, I don't like it when the two of you gang up on someone least of all Midoriya

**Mina: **we can always come back to Kaminari later, he has thinking to do and Midoriya has finally become interesting

**Midoriya: **wait, finally?

**Jiro: **Maybe we could try guessing and if anyone is with him they can tell us whether or not he blushes?

**Iida:** Dear Classmates, I am currently with Midoriya, however I do not feel comfortable in this act of exposing my friend. I hope you all understand, Sincerely, Iida Tenya

**Tsu: **I'm also with him, and I have no such reservations

**Kaminari: **Is it me?

**Sero: **he already said it wasn't

**Kaminari: **you can never be too sure

**Mina: **IS IT URARAKA?

**Bakugo: **he's gay, pink idiot

**Mina: **Right, okay uhm is it Bakugo?

**Tsu: **he is blushing but I don't think it is

**Bakugo: **his mom told me he had a crush on me when we were kids, fucking idiot deku, I'm glad I broke your heart

**Midoriya: **MY MOTHER TOLD YOU?

**Bakugo: **she tells me everything, like how you made her buy you all might valentines day cards for your second grade class, but no one gave you any back

**Kirishima: **weren't you in his second grade class?

**Bakugo:** so? I only gave one, to me.

**Aoyama: **eh? Are you also autosexual like moi?

**Mina:** can you really still claim autosexuality considering the whole will they won't they sero thing

**Aoyama: **Oui,

**Sato: **I find it's best to not engage

**Kaminari: **Was it Mineta?

**Jiro: **who?

**Midoriya:** not that i'm encouraging this but… ew

**Uraraka: **I know who it is. I will tell for 10 yen

**Kaminari: **eh, it's not worth it

**Sero: **10 yen isn't worth it? How much money do you have?

**Bakugo: **poor loser

**Kirishima: **Kaminari do you need money? I don't have any but I know this guy who can predict the winner of any karate match.

**Yaoyorozu: **Is this the same guy who said he could predict the result of any hero villain match as long as All Might was fighting?

**Jiro: **wasn't that just All Might?

**Kirishima: **I'm not about to reveal my source

**Uraraka: **it is

**Kirishima: **Ochako!

**Uraraka: **Eijiro I'm sorry, but I don't like who you become when you gamble.

**Kaminari: **Are we having an intervention rn?

**Sero: **Bakugo do you still have the banner?

**Bakugo:** did you idiots store that shitty ass banner in my fucking room?

**Sero: **well, we didn't not store it in your room

**Mina: **tbh I'm shocked he hasn't found it yet

**Tsu: **do you guys have an intervention banner too?

**Midoriya: **we were just planning an intervention for Uraraka about her fighting with Kirishima, but luckily that seemed to fix itself before we were needed

**Yaoyorozu: **I have a confession to make

**Jiro: **?

**Yaoyorozu: **there is only one banner. You both came to me, and I have been bringing it back and forth. This has been weighing on me for a while, so it's nice to finally come clean

**Ojiro: **why not just make two banners?

**Yaoyorozu: **we're supposed to be going green, and I figured it would be lost eventually and then I would make a new one, but it turns out the hiding spot in Bakugo's room works pretty well for storage.

**Hagakure: **wait, so does that mean when we had our intervention for Dark Shadow about his online shopping we were using the same banner as when we had the intervention for Mineta and his creepy habits

**Jiro:** who?

**Hagakure: **not that that worked at all,, but still,, it's a sweet banner

**Sero**: how is that going green it's literally renewable energy, right? Am I dumb like we didn't cut down a tree? Unless you ate a tree

**Jiro: **you're dumb

**Mina: **I think he's right though?

**Yaoyorozu: **By going green I was talking about the time it takes for these things to break down, most of the things you guys ask for are just deteriorating in Bakugo's closet

**Bakugo: **EH?

**Yaoyorozu:** Is it not okay that I keep them there? Uraraka said it would be fine.

**Ojiro: **how are you even getting into Bakugo's room?

**Yaoyorozu: **Oh! I don't, Uraraka and Kirishima always do it

**Bakugo: **You two are this close to losing access to my bedroom

**Kaminari: **WHY DO THEY GET ACCESS TO YOUR BEDROOM AND NOT ME?

**Mina:** so we're just gonna ignore the time you sleep walked into my room took a shit and left

**Kaminari:** yes

**Ojiro: **i need the story

**Ojiro: **like not a want but a need

**Mina:** it was the day after the usj attack no one had heard from kaminari at all I assumed he was at Mineta's bedside or had somehow hurt himself in the walk back so I was like Kami? You good and he said verbatim 'Sero shut the fuck up dude mineta said that it was cool to shit during sex' and then he dropped his pants and shit on my teddy bear and now he claims to not remember the dream at all

**Kaminari: **I have a condition, I am a sleep walker that has extremely kinky sex dreams

**Shoji: **so are you saying you have sex dreams about Sero?

**Kaminar:** ONE that I don't remember,, most are about girls bc I am straight with a capital STR

**Sero: **I'm just happy to be included

**Mina:** my teddy bear is ruined and all you HEATHENS care about is who's gay for who

**Kirishima:** **Yaoyorozu** is it "whom" now?

**Yaoyorozu: **I don't think so? But you use whom when it's the object of a sentence with a preposition

**Uraraka:** Are we objectifying Sero?

**Mina:** Yes.

**Jiro: **most likely

**Uraraka: **Cool

**Iida: **Dear Uraraka, Jiro, and Mina, I do not think you should be objectifying Sero. I do think that Mina is correct and we should be worrying more about her ruined Teddy Bear and the repercussions the guilty party should probably face. I hope you understand what I am saying. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Hagakure: **we understand, you're saying we should burn Kaminari at the stake, hear you loud and clear

**Iida: **Dear Hagakure, that is not at all what I am saying, I was going to suggest we all chip in and get Kaminari some sleep counseling. Please know I did not mean any harm to Kaminari. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Tokoyami:** speaking of iida and counselling how did bakugo's meeting with aizawa go about threatening students lives

**Bakugo: **I didn't need shitty counseling, we just had a talk

**Kirishima:** he gets detention if he threatens Midoriya's life again

**Uraraka: **Eijiro, he told us that in confidence!

**Kirishima: **If I have to forge signatures for him he can handle this babe

**Uraraka:** I suppose you're right, I did have to pretend to be his mother on the phone

**Bakugo: **you did not curse enough to be my mom, I should have asked pinky

**Uraraka:** how dare you! I can curse

**Bakugo: **prove it

**Uraraka: **um

**Kirishima: **come on babe you can do it!

**Uraraka:** d- d- darn flabbit fiddle sticks hootin nanny

**Bakugo: **don't prove me wrong about you round face

**Uraraka: ** ?

**Bakugo: **put the letters together maybe?

**Uraraka: **fuck you I can do it

**Uraraka: **!

**Kirishima: **great going babe!

**Uraraka: **wanna make out?

**Kirishima:** yeah

**Bakugo:** I've decided once again fuck this group chat

**Todoroki:** not to interrupt, but did we move past discovering midoriya's crush?

**Hagakure: **oh yeah! Sorry I was distracted, they're like a telenovela

**Ojiro: **Its like if you combined Jane the Virgin and Maria la del Barrio

**Hagakure: **I was just thinking that…. Do you wanna go watch mldb

**Ojiro:** Sweetie you're reading my mind.

**Sero: **Are all the couple's gonna just fuck off right now?

**Tokoyami:** me and shoji are currently at the bowling alley

**Aoyama:** Sero wanna come with me to the mall?

**Sero: **bye everybody

**Sato:** so are they a fucking couple now?

**Jiro:** I can never keep up, when we start talking about it in the girl chat aoyama just starts speaking french

**Yaoyorozu:** Me and Todoroki are going to a diner later! We're seeing how the other half lives

**Mina: **wait LIKE ON A DATE?

**Todoroki:** No I invited Iida, I thought we were just doing rich student activities.

**Kaminari: **so wait, the three of you just do things that normal people do for fun because you're rich?

**Todoroki:** the other day we tried to spend less than 20,000 yen at a market. Bananas are much cheaper than I expected.

**Hagakure: **so are you like making fun of poor people?

**Yaoyorozu: **no! Of course not! It's sort of like extra training to help us understand the mindset of the average thief.

**Sato: **do all thiefs have to be poor? Aren't we taught that some criminals are wealthy?

**Yaoyorozu:** no just like the average ones, Iida describes it better

**Iida: **Dear Sato, while not all thieves are poor, Yaoyorozu, Todoroki and I are far more familiar with the mindset of those who come from wealth. It was at the suggestion of Aizawa-sensei that we attempt to learn more about those who come from a different background than us. Please do let me know if you are still confused and I will attempt to clarify myself more. Sincerely, Iida Tenya.

**Sato: **That actually does make more sense, thanks

**Iida:** Dear Sato, you're welcome. Sincerely, Iida Tenya

**Todoroki: **so, did anyone figure out who Midoriya has a crush on?

**Uraraka: **Bakugo and I think it's Eijiro

**Kaminari: **I thought you and Kiri were making out

**Kirishima: **we are! Bakugo is also here

**Ojiro: **is that not weird for you guys?

**Kirishima:** the dude has the best snacks, i'm not gonna kick out the dude who brought salted pretzels

**Kaminari: **wait,,, soft pretzels?

**Kirishima: **I probably shouldn't say

**Kaminari: **who's room are you in? I'll be there asap

**Uraraka: **I'd rather you didn't

**Mina: **bold

**Uraraka: **was that rude? I didn't mean to hurt your feelings Kaminari, it's just four's a crowd.

**Shoji: **I thought three was a crowd?

**Tokoyami: **let them have this

**Aoyama: **usually I think two is a crowd, but not right now if you know what I mean

**Sero: **I'm flattered I think

**Sero:** Siri, am I gay?

**Mina: **simon says yes

**Jiro: **I don't think you understand how simon says works

**Sero: **I think she was right

**Ojiro: **no, that's definitely not how Simon says works

**Sero: **no not that, I'm a simon says allstar

**Bakugo: **shut the fuck up

**Sero: **you didn't say simon says

**Sero: **anyways I think Mina is correct, I guess I'm gay

**Kaminari: **what?

**Sero:** yeah like I think I was so reliant on bi bc like I thought mina was hot but like that's just objectively true a blind man would find her hot, but like im totally a gay dude, so like thanks aoyama,,,,,, midoriya shouji tokoyami jiro do we have a gay club?

**Tsu: **leaving me out?

**Sero: **why does this keep happening!

**Tsu: **I'm kidding! I'm so proud of you, snake

**Hagakure: **Sero! I'm so proud of you. Also I totally get the Mina thing, like I'm only into Ojiro but Mina's a catch

**Mina: **awe guys! Unlike Bakugo everyone knows I'm hot

**Tokoyami: **are you saying that you're the opposite of Bakugo bc everyone finds him ugly?

**Uraraka: **that's not true! Eijiro and I don't think Bakugo is ugly. In fact he is on both of our hall pass lists

**Sero: **what's a hall pass list?

**Ojiro: **It's a list of people, usually famous people, who if given the chance you could sleep with and not face repercussions from your partner

**Tokoyami: **Shoji has Best Jeanist on his list

**Shoji:** that was supposed to be a secret. Despite being ultra gay, Tokoyami put midnight.

**Tokoyami: **SHOJI

**Tokoyami: **She's like cool or whatever idk leave me alone she's my if i had to pick a girl

**Jiro: **that's what Kaminari called me

**Jiro: **speaking of is he dead? He hasn't responded since Sero came out

**Jiro: **OH also, Sero you are now welcome to join the gay goth club

**Sero:** the proudest moment of my life

**Sero: **we're not going to discuss Tokoyami's crush on Midnight at the club right?

**Jiro: **not in front of him

**Hagakure: **not to change the subject but does anyone else have a crush on one of our teachers?

**Bakugo:** dekus in love with all might

**Todoroki:** Bakugo that is not news

**Kirishima:** he's mad at himself for laughing at todoroki's joke

**Bakugo: **shut the fuck up shitty hair I didn't laugh

**Uraraka: **it's not a laugh, it's more an expulsion of air from his nostrils

**Mina: **gross

**Midoriya: **Like his quirk?

**Kaminari:** no, also if anyone is curious me and bakugo are watching them make out together discussing politics, it's better than you'd think

**Hagakure: **wait so you guys let Kaminari into your room?

**Uraraka:** he had juice

**Uraraka: **(also I think he needs to be with friends right now)

**Tsu: **putting brackets doesn't prevent him from seeing it, you know that, right?

**Jiro: **Kaminari isn't the sharpest tool in the shed if you know what I mean

**Kirishima: **actually, his dick is longer than you think

**Mina: **WHAT IS IT JUST OUT RIGHT NOW WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

**Kirishima: **ew what no, at least I don't think it is.

**Hagakure: **then how do you know the length of his peen?

**Yaoyorozu: **I don't think we want to know the answer

**Midoriya: **you really don't

**Todoroki: **Midoriya? Have you seen kaminari's private parts?

**Sato: **I hate the term private parts like, what are my public parts? My hands? fuck you

**Bakugo: **steal someone else's thing, easybake

**Sato: **You don't own the fuck word

**Ojiro: **Sato, do not poke the bear, I repeat, do not poke the bear

**Kaminari: **Is Bakugo the bear in this scenario?

**Sato: **I do not want to poke bakugo

**Ojiro: **quick, Uraraka and Kirishima make out so that Bakugo will be distracted

**Shoji: **I doubt that will work

**Kaminari: **I've just refilled his juice, and I think we might be good

**Kirishima: **wait, what does Sato mean by poke Bakugo like is that a sexual thing? Should I be poking Uraraka?

**Sero: **you aren't poking Uraraka?

**Kirishima: **I will now!

**Uraraka: **damn it Sero, he poked me in the eye

**Bakugo: **it was funny

**Uraraka: **rude now they're all laughing and I think I need to see Recovery Girl

**Tsu: **do you want me to come with you?

**Kaminari: **it's okay, she let out a single tear and then Bakugo and Kirishima fought over who was going to carry her to Recovery Girl

**Yaoyorozu: **why would Bakugo carry her?

**Kaminari: **according to him, Kirishima was the one who hurt her, so he had to get her away from her assailant. To be fair, the logic was there

**Midoriya: **Urarakachan are you okay?!

**Kaminari: **she's fine, she winked at me with the hurt eye

**Mina: **who's carrying her?

**Kaminari: **they both have her on one shoulder like the winner of a football game in the US

**Todoroki: **I don't think that's a real thing

**Kaminari: **it's on tv so it has to be real

**Sero: **speaking of things on tv, Aoyama and I are officially going on our first date, but its a group date because I've never gone on a date and need my bros

**Sato: **who's going on this date?

**Sero:** me and Aoyama, Mina and Tetsutetsu, Tokoyami and Shoji, Hagakure and Ojiro, Yaoyorozu and Todoroki, Midoriya and Jiro, Kirishima and Uraraka and Bakugo

**Mina: **two quick questions, one, why are Midoriya and Jiro matched for this? And two, why is Bakugo coming?

**Sero: **well I assumed they were dating because they had lunch together yesterday and I asked if they wanted to come and they both said yes once I told them everyone else who was coming. Also Bakubro is a bro and he needs to come with us so I just added him on at the end

**Kaminari: **well add two more to your reservation because me and my date are also coming

**Sato:** imma be having a singles only pastries party, at the same time, Tsu? You in? Koda, Iida and I will be tearing it up karaoke style

**Tsu: **actually I can't guys, I'm the one going on the date with Kaminari

**Uraraka: **Tsu I thought you hated Kaminari, and also only date women

**Tsu: **those are both true statements, however I found I am also attracted to another kind of people

**Tsu: **those who hate Sero

**Sero: **HOW MANY TIMES MUST I APOLOGIZE?

**Tsu: **UNTIL YOU MEAN IT

**Sero: **wait, hate Sero? Bruh?

**Kaminari: **sorry bro

**Sero: **Do you actually hate me

**11:59 PM**

**Sero:** Kaminari?


End file.
